Running in circles :(

[toobrokenforlife]

I try to get better. Sometimes it will work, but within a couple weeks, or a month if I'm lucky, things fall apart and suicide starts crossing my mind again. Since I was 12, the longest I've gone without suicidal thoughts is 3 months in the summer of 2019. I'm tired of this. My brain's too broken for this stupid fucking society. Big difference in the summer of 2019 was that I was out of high school and not trying college or a full-time job yet, and that's not something I'll ever be able to do again. With my ADHD and anxiety I'm simply not able to handle adult life. So why do I still try to get better? Does anyone else have cycles of feeling better and then falling right back into the suicidal rabbit hole?

 

[waitingforrest]

I feel you, buddy. Sometimes I just wonder, why bother getting better if I know I'll get worse afterwards? I have no motivation to get better, yet I still try. Perhaps hoping that it gets better like everyone promises. I guess that's what makes suicide so appealing for me, not having to try anymore.

I think a lot of people aren't ready for adult life, no one really wants to spend most of their lives working at the same job over and over. I feel like it's all a big lie I'm not in on. Yeah, we may be broken, but it's society that breaks us and they are to blame.