HollowSoul
Member
- Apr 14, 2026
- 41
I think I've decided that I will give myself to summer 2027
It saddest me, because part of me really wanna live, but its like I dont have much choice since my life kindda sucks.
I guess for context: Im a 31f from Spain, Im also not blessed in looks, something I have been forced to hear from literally anyone I meet, and you know, for awhile, I didnt care I always thought about focusing on me, I tried to somehow compensate by being extremely funny to be around and trying to be a good person. I thought eventually I would meet someone who werent superficial but I learned hard way no such people exist
At the end of the day, looks are important to everyone. So theres one of the reasons. I feel fucking alone, I see myself living miserable and with no one to share anything. Whenever I start to like someone I always get this fantasies of what would It be for us to fall in love then reality hits. Im fucking ugly.
Another big reason its I cant find a fucking job. I wasted three years to get a degree for nothing, It only gives me temporary jobs once in a while but nothing permanent
I still live with my parents and you know, even tho they are not that bad im starting to hate them, and hate every minuto. I hate not having independency, I hate not having privacy. But then I also think thats even having a proper job would be useless for me because I wouldnt be able to aford living alone!!! because the world IS made for people with partners.
So, the only things that kindda attached me to live, my parents, friends ( i love them dearly truly), pets...are starting to no giving a fuck much anymore.
Now, you'll ask why wait till summer 2027?
Mostly because I plan to ctb with SN, since lurking on this site I found is my best method, its not pleasant but It only requieres of me to drink an awful drink. I can take It.
Thing is I've read deliveries might take MONTHS, and Im still not sure if its safe to order It in Spain and I really wanna ctb in summer with hot weather
So I think a year for prep its necessary.
Next month im going to a concert of my all time fave band, and I think is kinnda cathartic in a way, like, starting to cross things in my list to do before dying.
So yeah, I might write things on here as time pass by we'll see but idk I have a clear mind and I find myself at peace with this resolution
Again I just need to gather info on dsl delivery to spain mostly so all help would be appreciated
It saddest me, because part of me really wanna live, but its like I dont have much choice since my life kindda sucks.
I guess for context: Im a 31f from Spain, Im also not blessed in looks, something I have been forced to hear from literally anyone I meet, and you know, for awhile, I didnt care I always thought about focusing on me, I tried to somehow compensate by being extremely funny to be around and trying to be a good person. I thought eventually I would meet someone who werent superficial but I learned hard way no such people exist
At the end of the day, looks are important to everyone. So theres one of the reasons. I feel fucking alone, I see myself living miserable and with no one to share anything. Whenever I start to like someone I always get this fantasies of what would It be for us to fall in love then reality hits. Im fucking ugly.
Another big reason its I cant find a fucking job. I wasted three years to get a degree for nothing, It only gives me temporary jobs once in a while but nothing permanent
I still live with my parents and you know, even tho they are not that bad im starting to hate them, and hate every minuto. I hate not having independency, I hate not having privacy. But then I also think thats even having a proper job would be useless for me because I wouldnt be able to aford living alone!!! because the world IS made for people with partners.
So, the only things that kindda attached me to live, my parents, friends ( i love them dearly truly), pets...are starting to no giving a fuck much anymore.
Now, you'll ask why wait till summer 2027?
Mostly because I plan to ctb with SN, since lurking on this site I found is my best method, its not pleasant but It only requieres of me to drink an awful drink. I can take It.
Thing is I've read deliveries might take MONTHS, and Im still not sure if its safe to order It in Spain and I really wanna ctb in summer with hot weather
So I think a year for prep its necessary.
Next month im going to a concert of my all time fave band, and I think is kinnda cathartic in a way, like, starting to cross things in my list to do before dying.
So yeah, I might write things on here as time pass by we'll see but idk I have a clear mind and I find myself at peace with this resolution
Again I just need to gather info on dsl delivery to spain mostly so all help would be appreciated
