Hello all.
I haven't posted much since joining this kindhearted group. Mostly 'lurking' and gathering info on methods. A few posts and comments along the way. Not that I didn't want to say more but I'm shy, lack both self-esteem and social skills. I wasn't sure how to engage.
Maybe my age, 56 had a little to do with it. Not that I haven't received much warmth and kindness from many people when I did reach out or share something in a post or comment.
I needed to take a break to get through the holidays as I have loved ones I didn't want to disappoint, even though I do at other times. I feel enough guilt as it is and self-forgiveness has more often than not been just out of reach.
I also wanted to do one more honest assessment of myself and life. I think I owed that much to myself.
The results of that assessment lead right back to why I'm here. Chronic illness,disease, a steeper decline in '19 mixed with crushing depression is my reality. No hope for improvement with any of it. It's become a complete burden as I knew it would eventually. I'm there and have been for awhile, I was trying my best to be in denial I suppose.
So I came full circle. Right back to where I started. I will leave this world on my own terms and while I'm still able to. In the meantime I will continue being honest and kind to others here. I would like to have someone to talk to, that would mean a lot to me and I've been told I'm a good listener once or twice over the years. One even said an old soul but I'm nothing if not humble. All are welcome to PM. Thanks.
I haven't posted much since joining this kindhearted group. Mostly 'lurking' and gathering info on methods. A few posts and comments along the way. Not that I didn't want to say more but I'm shy, lack both self-esteem and social skills. I wasn't sure how to engage.
Maybe my age, 56 had a little to do with it. Not that I haven't received much warmth and kindness from many people when I did reach out or share something in a post or comment.
I needed to take a break to get through the holidays as I have loved ones I didn't want to disappoint, even though I do at other times. I feel enough guilt as it is and self-forgiveness has more often than not been just out of reach.
I also wanted to do one more honest assessment of myself and life. I think I owed that much to myself.
The results of that assessment lead right back to why I'm here. Chronic illness,disease, a steeper decline in '19 mixed with crushing depression is my reality. No hope for improvement with any of it. It's become a complete burden as I knew it would eventually. I'm there and have been for awhile, I was trying my best to be in denial I suppose.
So I came full circle. Right back to where I started. I will leave this world on my own terms and while I'm still able to. In the meantime I will continue being honest and kind to others here. I would like to have someone to talk to, that would mean a lot to me and I've been told I'm a good listener once or twice over the years. One even said an old soul but I'm nothing if not humble. All are welcome to PM. Thanks.
