lowkey pissed people are keeping me alive

[crashinout]

sorry for the title, I know it's a good thing,

its moreso that I have people who care about me in my life who are trying to turn me on the right track. like why are you getting in the way of me, wanting to die? friends and such reaching out. I'm not mad, and I dont want to sound ungrateful but its more like, I have a goal here.

an example from today was my therapist, shes great. she denied some ketamine therapy and put me on a stronger plan since ive been hooked on lsd. shes literally doing her job but I cant help but feel frustrated because now I either concerningly withdraw treatment or just die. or just keep up with her plan. i am so confused and lost because I know i want to die to myself one day, I fucked up so much shit in my life. so it's weird for me.

 

[ctb_warrior]

We are in the same boat pal.
My family and like so many friends (i have a big circle) all are trying to convince me to live and I don't want to live. But when i look at faces of my ageing parents that look old now because of the stress they've had after knowing I'm suicidal, it makes me feel selfish. On one hand, I don't want to live, and on the other, I don't want to give them pain. I'm stuck in the middle. Besides, I don't even have a full proof method.
My CO setup was confiscated by my father last week

sorry for the title, I know it's a good thing,

its moreso that I have people who care about me in my life who are trying to turn me on the right track. like why are you getting in the way of me, wanting to die? friends and such reaching out. I'm not mad, and I dont want to sound ungrateful but its more like, I have a goal here.

an example from today was my therapist, shes great. she denied some ketamine therapy and put me on a stronger plan since ive been hooked on lsd. shes literally doing her job but I cant help but feel frustrated because now I either concerningly withdraw treatment or just die. or just keep up with her plan. i am so confused and lost because I know i want to die to myself one day, I fucked up so much shit in my life. so it's weird for me.

As such one of my psychiatrist wants me to have ketamine, however, my father is apprehensive of it . Is ketamine therapy good?

sorry for the title, I know it's a good thing,

its moreso that I have people who care about me in my life who are trying to turn me on the right track. like why are you getting in the way of me, wanting to die? friends and such reaching out. I'm not mad, and I dont want to sound ungrateful but its more like, I have a goal here.

an example from today was my therapist, shes great. she denied some ketamine therapy and put me on a stronger plan since ive been hooked on lsd. shes literally doing her job but I cant help but feel frustrated because now I either concerningly withdraw treatment or just die. or just keep up with her plan. i am so confused and lost because I know i want to die to myself one day, I fucked up so much shit in my life. so it's weird for me.

Also, don't discard your regular medicines. I did that for a month. I didn't have my medicines in entire July. From the very first week, i started getting weird symptoms.. By the end of July, I started having nightmares and i suffered a panic attack for the first time in my life. Ctb is one thing, but as long as you are here, don't stop your meds

 

[WallTermite]

Society is garbage. We force others to live because "it's the right thing to do". Instead, any adult should have the right to end it legally, after long evaluation and with consent. And relatives shouldn't interfere with this. We don't choose to be here.

 

[crashinout]

We are in the same boat pal.
My family and like so many friends (i have a big circle) all are trying to convince me to live and I don't want to live. But when i look at faces of my ageing parents that look old now because of the stress they've had after knowing I'm suicidal, it makes me feel selfish. On one hand, I don't want to live, and on the other, I don't want to give them pain. I'm stuck in the middle. Besides, I don't even have a full proof method.
My CO setup was confiscated by my father last week

As such one of my psychiatrist wants me to have ketamine, however, my father is apprehensive of it . Is ketamine therapy good?

Also, don't discard your regular medicines. I did that for a month. I didn't have my medicines in entire July. From the very first week, i started getting weird symptoms.. By the end of July, I started having nightmares and i suffered a panic attack for the first time in my life. Ctb is one thing, but as long as you are here, don't stop your meds

i feel you man, i know theres still people that value me in my life as hard as it gets. i really do not wanna be here, i mean that and my friends know. lowkey i wish i had maid available. tha middle

ketamine therapy was really good, my therapist is very well trained. shes awesome at what she does, i got really lucky. theres a lot of neuroplasticity and it just seems very "relaxing" to unwind, unwire everything. so getting it disapproved for now was hard but says a lot. its going to vary from person to person, some people do not work well but i just happened to really enjoy it. as long as you dont have psychotic (?) symptoms or prev then it can be approved, i aint no professional so idk the full deets.

yeah i stopped my meds to fuck around w lsd. i need to hop back on.