scottishstudent38
Member
- Jul 27, 2023
- 18
Where to start with this rant…. Struggled with mental health issues my whole life. After a meeting with mental health, was told I've had depression since childhood, as well as having untreated ADHD. Also, strangely I alway thought I'd commit suicide one day, even from childhood.
Interestingly I read/listen to a lot of Gabor Mate and
Relate Almost entirely about his philosophy about childhood trauma and its lasting effects into adulthood, and the consequences which result in depression/addiction/adhd.
Growing up with an alcoholic basket case of a mother, who even now with me well into adulthood is a huge catalyst into my issues, to the point she funds my drug problem. It's seems she wants me to be a disaster as she then gets to be a victim of it.
I have zero support network, and no-one to trust, over the last 2 years, I've ceased contact with almost all friends, as it always seemed that I was the only reaching out/checking in with them, never once has that been reciprocated.
For the depression- had counselling for a while, very good at identifying why I have problematic behaviour (childhood trauma) and I'm inadvertently replicating the chaos I had in childhood with dangerous, erratic stress-seeking behaviour and drug use.
However, the counselling was useless at aiding in rectifying the compulsions/behaviour, seem like "get to the gym" is there go to for all issues.
ADHD - 2 years, still waiting for confirmation, and since I've been told I've been self medicating with cocaine, it's made it even harder to stop, as it's almost explaining the usage(not justifying in any way)
Amazingly despite all this, I'm on the verge of having an honours degree in law!!! How the fuck have I managed that. Fuck having me as your counsel.
How to stop this cycle when I'm too weak to do it alone, and supposed family/friends don't care…. I have no idea, as family/friends have an "out of sight, out of mind" mentality with me, except with they need something that is…
I just want to be happy.
Interestingly I read/listen to a lot of Gabor Mate and
Relate Almost entirely about his philosophy about childhood trauma and its lasting effects into adulthood, and the consequences which result in depression/addiction/adhd.
Growing up with an alcoholic basket case of a mother, who even now with me well into adulthood is a huge catalyst into my issues, to the point she funds my drug problem. It's seems she wants me to be a disaster as she then gets to be a victim of it.
I have zero support network, and no-one to trust, over the last 2 years, I've ceased contact with almost all friends, as it always seemed that I was the only reaching out/checking in with them, never once has that been reciprocated.
For the depression- had counselling for a while, very good at identifying why I have problematic behaviour (childhood trauma) and I'm inadvertently replicating the chaos I had in childhood with dangerous, erratic stress-seeking behaviour and drug use.
However, the counselling was useless at aiding in rectifying the compulsions/behaviour, seem like "get to the gym" is there go to for all issues.
ADHD - 2 years, still waiting for confirmation, and since I've been told I've been self medicating with cocaine, it's made it even harder to stop, as it's almost explaining the usage(not justifying in any way)
Amazingly despite all this, I'm on the verge of having an honours degree in law!!! How the fuck have I managed that. Fuck having me as your counsel.
How to stop this cycle when I'm too weak to do it alone, and supposed family/friends don't care…. I have no idea, as family/friends have an "out of sight, out of mind" mentality with me, except with they need something that is…
I just want to be happy.
