Recovery because I can never beat SI

[leavingsoonx]

Has anyone else been pushed to recover because you realize you will never be able to beat survival instinct?

I'm trying to change my thinking… even if my life is all suffering, I will die one day. Death will come for me. And I am pretty privileged.

Struggling with mental health and a body that aches has been difficult. But I am trying to see the good moments in life.

It's too much to be suicidal and know you won't pull through.

 

[LibertyLily]

The way I feel right now is I've hit rock bottom. That could change in a few days or maybe it won't.

If I'm going to die one day anyway what difference does it make? If I go before then based on some impulse then I'm okay with that to but it hasn't happened yet and will probably never happen.

If I really wanted to not be around I would have gone with the acceptance that I'm not going to garner much sympathy or attention when I'm gone. If it did garner any attention it would just be pity or stigma.

It's less effort to just sit around and be miserable.

Suicide is less desirable than just running the clock down because at least when you're gone naturally most of the people who would judge you or cast you down for not seeing life through are no longer around or aren't going to go out of their way to paint you as a tragic life gone too soon.

Often people who commit suicide think that by doing so the people who don't care about them will finally care but they won't. If anyone commits suicide people will be disparaging and condemning. The reason why we contemplate suicide in the first place is exactly why we shouldn't. There is literally nothing we can do to flip people into caring about us so why bother? We might as well live on to spite them.

 

[wCvML2]

Pushed to recovery as well, I'm at a similar crossroads. My brain is feeling swollen and extremely unwell from years of daily strain from suicidal thoughts and trying to push myself to do it. The thoughts on their own are inducing so much added stress to life. If SI can't be beaten, then might as well pursue recovery to try to feel slightly less bad. I think what made me really want to pursue suicide before I was ready to do it was the anxiety of losing my ability to commit suicide in the future, like maybe getting into an accident in the future, becoming bedridden and losing my capability of acting on my suicidal thoughts ever again. But it really is just anxiety that I have to work on as part of recovery, and maybe I'll never lose my ability to ctb because death is inevitable.