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I'm so sorry. My career guarantees a future but it's pretty hard. I don't see myself graduated in some years.
Probably a 2 . But it will be a 1 soon as in homelessness or brain stroke . So i need to ctb asap. But imo don't care if it were a 10 i prefer non-existence forever for me only don't care what others do in their own lives. non-existence means no pain, no problems, no suffering , no diseases, no growing old .... etc. i can keep going up to 5000 horrible things i won't have to deal with like taking out the trash, lies, scams, injustice, depression, grief, pain, worrry, stress, anxiety,grocery shopping, being hungry all the time, cleaning everything, fixing everything, working . , , dementia , and i hate extreme pain most of all
that would be me. so many people have it much worse than me and i can see that. at least im not disabled or bed ridden. but does that make me feel better im this way? no it doesnt...
Hmm, but if you have a decent quality of life what are you suicidal or have suicidal thoughts?
i dont know whats wrong with me. a lot of things arent good but my life most certainly isnt the apocalypse. my life isnt horrible but its all held up by lies. im often caught feeling between two extremes.
Also, never-ending panic mode. I'm stuck inside my apartment while my greatest desire is to simply go on a walk on a sunny day.
This spoke to me. I definitely get the good days, today is one actually. It doesn't change the desire to be gone. Like most things in life it's not a net positive. It's more like relief from the usual drip drip of depression, regret, sadness, loss, frustration, boredom etc. Hungry? Eat. Tired? Sleep. Lonely? Talk. Essentially so called pleasure is simply the relief of one or another state of privation. Whatever people say or think, this is pretty much the universal human experience.4/10 most days, some days where everything goes right can feel like a 6 or a 7 but I don't kid myself. Minor improvements or good days here and there don't really outweigh the steady decline.
Overall, I give myself 1 point for a good, steady job that is meaningful to me, 2 points for having friends and family close to me (even if I constantly fail them), .5 for my living situation (kinda sucky but steady and could always be worse) and .5 for financials (ditto).
