Venting Purely ranting: don't want to feel this anymore, but can't ctb

[Unsure_about_living]

Mainly having a rant, so no worries if no one replies (though grateful if they do!). One day in work and I'm so full of anxiety and stress over everything work-related as well as everything "fun". All the things I'm meant to enjoy, and expected to enjoy, are hard and unpleasant. I didn't go and do a hobby today because I just felt inexplicably.... Eurgh about it all. And this isn't a new thing.

I don't know what to do, because I'm so conscious that I don't have the balls to actually ctb (I've had SN for months and haven't taken it, even when I had to self-isolate because of catching covid). Currently I'm fantasising about just going for a long, drunk walk and letting whatever happens happen to me. Be that turning up at A&E, stepping in front of a car, or just coming home tired. I realise this makes me attention seeking... But I don't know how else to do this

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry that you are in this situation. I can imagine that it must be awful dealing with so much stress. I also do not enjoy anything, everything just makes me more miserable. I know that it is dreadful when you do not want to live yet you feel like you are unable to ctb. I have never wanted to be alive but yet I am trapped in this world. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

 

[jimmy7754]

Mainly having a rant, so no worries if no one replies (though grateful if they do!). One day in work and I'm so full of anxiety and stress over everything work-related as well as everything "fun". All the things I'm meant to enjoy, and expected to enjoy, are hard and unpleasant. I didn't go and do a hobby today because I just felt inexplicably.... Eurgh about it all. And this isn't a new thing.

I don't know what to do, because I'm so conscious that I don't have the balls to actually ctb (I've had SN for months and haven't taken it, even when I had to self-isolate because of catching covid). Currently I'm fantasising about just going for a long, drunk walk and letting whatever happens happen to me. Be that turning up at A&E, stepping in front of a car, or just coming home tired. I realise this makes me attention seeking... But I don't know how else to do this

I go on walks like that and end up lost.. it never gets the job done.

 

[Unsure_about_living]

Ok, I'm off my my walk. It's ~5 miles to the motorway. I'll 99% likely just look at at the road, and then be sad I'm not ay home doing my actually important job. But I'm still excited

 

[Eternal Oblivion]

When I feel like that sometimes I like getting drunk, since in that state I can forget my problems for a little while, but the worst thing Is that tomorrow always comes and on top of everything being hangover sucks

 

[Unsure_about_living]

When I feel like that sometimes I like getting drunk, since in that state I can forget my problems for a little while, but the worst thing Is that tomorrow always comes and on top of everything being hangover sucks

Agreed.