Puppet

[Life_and_Death]

I'm not me. I don't even know who me is. These disorders control the way I think, the way I feel, the way I act. Nothing is me anymore. This goes beyond depressed thoughts. I literally control nothing, not even the things i say. I do nothing right.

Hell thanks to my stupid parents I can't even breath right. My life was destroyed the day I was born. Thanks to them I got kicked out of school. I can't get a job. I'm not stable enough to live alone. I'm horrible at relationships. And that's barely the beginning.

I never wanted much. A loving family. A nice little home. The most I wanted out of life was my own business. But it's all gone. It's not like my life was "that bad"

How can I keep saying that? I've had people tell me to stop, if the mental state I'm currently in doesn't say enough. You don't exactly get mental disorders as bad as I do by going out for groceries. Yet still I'm in denial. With zero plans on changing anything.

Maybe I shouldn't be here, I'm not sure I belong. I mean, it was't that bad.

 

[Red]

People are dicks. If they can't put themselves in your position, their only solution is "just stop it".
Too fat? Just stop eating.
Addicted to crack? Just stop taking it.
Struggling with life? Just stop struggling.
Suicidal? Stop wanting to die, start wanting to live

 

[Life_and_Death]

they only said stop because they couldnt bare to hear anymore. but i still think it wasnt that bad

 

[Deleted member 19276]

I'm not me. I don't even know who me is. These disorders control the way I think, the way I feel, the way I act. Nothing is me anymore. This goes beyond depressed thoughts. I literally control nothing, not even the things i say. I do nothing right.

Hell thanks to my stupid parents I can't even breath right. My life was destroyed the day I was born. Thanks to them I got kicked out of school. I can't get a job. I'm not stable enough to live alone. I'm horrible at relationships. And that's barely the beginning.

I never wanted much. A loving family. A nice little home. The most I wanted out of life was my own business. But it's all gone. It's not like my life was "that bad"

How can I keep saying that? I've had people tell me to stop, if the mental state I'm currently in doesn't say enough. You don't exactly get mental disorders as bad as I do by going out for groceries. Yet still I'm in denial. With zero plans on changing anything.

Maybe I shouldn't be here, I'm not sure I belong. I mean, it was't that bad.

I think the begining or how you started to explain your situation is very powerful. An emotional state, an illness, a dark creature trapped in the mind which dictates how you feel, constantly, making you play by it's own rules. So, it feels safe there, knowing you may never be able to take it down... Controlling you as if you are it's final puppet to torture, doing whatever it wants with you.

I can relate a lot to the part where you said you can't find a job though. I am not sure what your parents did, but whatever harm they have caused... They should have been there to try and help if anything.

And yes, it shows how much kindness there is out there, trapped in that same puppet whose life has been turned into nothing due to the "master" within their mind.
Sometimes though, no matter how zero the plans may be... There might be an answer we are all not seeing right around the corner.

My advice is to try and fight against it, the master, the controller, the monster that causes you to suffer so much. Do whatever it takes to at least know you fought back, even if the fight ends in a loss.

It's true, I ask myself the same question every day as well, on where should I belong? But you know what? I think we at least need to try make this reality bearable for us. Try to resist, fight back and push against whatever horrible evils we are struggling with in our minds.

Anyway, sorry if I am being way too positive, I just wanted to reply with what I feel would be meaningful. I hope we all find our path to freedom from those illnesses within our minds. Our minds can not be a our prisons forever...

 

[Lost Girl xx]

I can relate, fuck our pathetic ass lives, feel free to PM me whenever