Pro-choice and ready to cbt. Recently survived an attempt. Been out of the hospital, and awful psych ward, for approx. one month.
My cbt tendencies are now known by loved ones - husband and mother. Husband engineered mother to move in with us so I have near constant supervision. Mother was not religious growing up, but is now in the way of G-O-D. According to her suicide is a sin, and the big man upstairs will send me to hell. According to her, even being suicidal - having suicidal thoughts and attempting suicide is a sin, so I am already in the hole -- you know, god-wise.
I am being made through GUILT and FEAR to stay alive.
I am miserable in my conscious, human existence. I am so unhappy.
Looking at my situation, it is seeming unlikely that I can cbt. I don't want to hurt these people. I don't want to end up in hell (assuming hell is real). I don't want to survive next attempt and damage my body in the process and increase my suffering. Though I am still looking for N options, and if I can get N pills from a reliable supplier.
Realistically, I might live for another 40 to 45 years before my natural death. Feels like such a long time - an endlessly long time to live without desire. As it is, I feel like getting through each day takes effort. And I don't sleep very well. How can I get through this?
Are there others here who want to cbt, but feel forced to live by loved ones?
If so, how do you do it?
I feel like we need a sub-forum specifically for pro-choice folks who want to cbt, but are being forced to live.
My cbt tendencies are now known by loved ones - husband and mother. Husband engineered mother to move in with us so I have near constant supervision. Mother was not religious growing up, but is now in the way of G-O-D. According to her suicide is a sin, and the big man upstairs will send me to hell. According to her, even being suicidal - having suicidal thoughts and attempting suicide is a sin, so I am already in the hole -- you know, god-wise.
I am being made through GUILT and FEAR to stay alive.
I am miserable in my conscious, human existence. I am so unhappy.
Looking at my situation, it is seeming unlikely that I can cbt. I don't want to hurt these people. I don't want to end up in hell (assuming hell is real). I don't want to survive next attempt and damage my body in the process and increase my suffering. Though I am still looking for N options, and if I can get N pills from a reliable supplier.
Realistically, I might live for another 40 to 45 years before my natural death. Feels like such a long time - an endlessly long time to live without desire. As it is, I feel like getting through each day takes effort. And I don't sleep very well. How can I get through this?
Are there others here who want to cbt, but feel forced to live by loved ones?
If so, how do you do it?
I feel like we need a sub-forum specifically for pro-choice folks who want to cbt, but are being forced to live.
