Lost Magic
Illuminated
- May 5, 2020
- 3,228
I'm tired of dehumanizing technocracy, i'm tired of wars, i'm tired of chronic health issues and I am fucking tired of being alone! The governments and the corporations treat people that, they deem as outsiders, like shit and unworthy of a peaceful and dignified life. It's draining and cruel and i'm sick of it! If I am just a number or some kind of barcode (that has expired) then I am no longer a human being. I am begging God to give me the strength and fortitude to go through with unaliving myself. I was, and will never be meant for this absurd and torturous planet. Because I am sensitive to others pain, I also feel it deeply entrenched with my own suffering. It's so exhausting to live like this for so many years.
I am going to the Lake District for a few days this August. I hope this will be my last little adventure to experience some tranquility before I attempt to throw in the towel. I hate myself for pretending things would, perhaps, get better one day. But that survival instinct is REAL. If it wasn't, I would have already been gone years ago.
When the time comes, and let's hope it's soon: May God have mercy on my soul.
If I do get past this year, I will be unhappy and feel like a complete failure. But that's okay ... because I am used to failure.
I am going to the Lake District for a few days this August. I hope this will be my last little adventure to experience some tranquility before I attempt to throw in the towel. I hate myself for pretending things would, perhaps, get better one day. But that survival instinct is REAL. If it wasn't, I would have already been gone years ago.
When the time comes, and let's hope it's soon: May God have mercy on my soul.
If I do get past this year, I will be unhappy and feel like a complete failure. But that's okay ... because I am used to failure.
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