Please don't judge me

[Indomie89]

So I want to start this off by saying please don't judge me. And pro-lifers disguised as people that are pro-choice, please stay away from my post. Now that I have that out the way, I want to say that I've been suicidal since I was a little girl, like 3rd grade. Before then, I always felt out of place and ubber sensitive. I'd say that I'm an empath. I feel the pain of just about any living thing. It's overwhelming and makes me feel like such a hypocrite. At the age of 16 I became pregnant by a pedophile and became a mother. Unfortunately being my daughter's mother hasn't been enough to shush my thoughts. I've tried to kill myself before, but the thought of her not knowing how much I love her has kept me here. Unfortunately my daughter knows I'm suicidal. She's seen me admitted to the psych. She knows it all. I've sat her down and explained to her that nothing I am going through mentally is her fault, that I love her deeply. I told her that I don't think I'll be able to fight this fight, but that she is beautiful and capable. She said to me " mom, you look ok to me." I told her that I never want her to know the things that I go through in my mind. I hate my mind so much, I just want to be free. I'm 33 years old now. I've been going through this for over 20 years. I just want to be free. I wish i wasn't so depressed and suicidal.

 

[FuneralCry]

It sounds like you have suffered so much. Existence is just too cruel and it's such a horrible world that we live in where so much pain exists. I wish you peace and freedom.

 

[SexyIncél]

She's about 17 years old now. It's ok now, she's just about an adult. I know you did your best, with the limited resources you had

 

[Eternally Dottie]

I don't think anyone here would judge you. What you've been through is awful, I'm so sorry, and it sounds as if you've been very strong in raising your daughter into adulthood. Wishing you all the best.

 

[thebunny]

i condemn anyone who judges you because no one should. i'm sorry that you've went through such horrible experiences. i admire your strength on raising a child and battling mental health issues for the last 20 years. you've done well with the effort and time you've given, i'm sure. i hope you find peace within yourself soon. i wish you all the best

 

[hamvil]

So I want to start this off by saying please don't judge me. And pro-lifers disguised as people that are pro-choice, please stay away from my post. Now that I have that out the way, I want to say that I've been suicidal since I was a little girl, like 3rd grade. Before then, I always felt out of place and ubber sensitive. I'd say that I'm an empath. I feel the pain of just about any living thing. It's overwhelming and makes me feel like such a hypocrite. At the age of 16 I became pregnant by a pedophile and became a mother. Unfortunately being my daughter's mother hasn't been enough to shush my thoughts. I've tried to kill myself before, but the thought of her not knowing how much I love her has kept me here. Unfortunately my daughter knows I'm suicidal. She's seen me admitted to the psych. She knows it all. I've sat her down and explained to her that nothing I am going through mentally is her fault, that I love her deeply. I told her that I don't think I'll be able to fight this fight, but that she is beautiful and capable. She said to me " mom, you look ok to me." I told her that I never want her to know the things that I go through in my mind. I hate my mind so much, I just want to be free. I'm 33 years old now. I've been going through this for over 20 years. I just want to be free. I wish i wasn't so depressed and suicidal.

I do not judge you at all. You were given a bad hand and managed to raise a children. If this is where you want to stop be aware that you did achieved a lot in this world.