Plans

[wrybuzzard]

They keep asking if I have plans, I say no, that I just feel low and have vague thoughts.
I have a firm date, 28th February, just waiting for the last things to arrive.
Staying silent, going through the motions. Final preparations to make so that I don't get saved, so that I can make things as easy for my wife as possible.
They keep trying to tell me to try a routine, to respect myself, to use the tools I know to move forward. But I'm tired, exhausted and I've given up. I can't keep this going and it's either kill myself, or waste away in bed having completely stopped.
But I'm struggling to form thoughts, to lie or omit convincingly, I just have to hold out till the 28th and then they won't be able to stop me.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand that it is hard to carry on when you are tired of everything. I'm sorry that it has come to this. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

 

[Crazy4u]

hey don't be hard on yourself. It is normal to feel anxious during your last days/weeks. Take it easy and don't stress yourself out. If you feel overwhelmed, consider delaying your plan. I wish you the best

 

[wrybuzzard]

Thank you. I feel happy with the date of my plan. I'm seeing family at the weekend, which feels like a chance to say goodbye (without then knowing that). 28th will be the first time I can get the time alone etc.
Have to get through a psych appt next week, but no more meds or therapy or self-help bs. I'm done.