passing time

[som1]

days are only getting longer and my ability with passing time is decreasing. I no longer can watch tv shows, anime, or movies. The music I loved now is making me feel so much shame. I can only listen to classical at the moment which is good but the band I once loved I can no longer listen to anymore. this site is helpful to me for passing time but I mostly don't know how to respond to threads and sometimes I would have read most threads so I wait for others to make more threads. I mostly view threads in suicide discussion, I can never view threads in recovery cause I can never relate to them. I guess I am just writing this to pass time. days are so long I can't wait till I ctb.

 

[artificial_ineptness]

This is relatable. Although I've been suicidal for years now, I struggle to think of any moment in the last couple of months that I have had any desire to do anything (besides duties / obligations) outside of thinking / reading about death. Ideally, I would at least want to spend my time productively and somehow help others, since I have nothing better to do until I ctb, but I don't feel capable / have the energy / know what to do, so I just have to lay down and rot until a new day comes and I can start this garbage all over again.

May I ask why you feel shame about the music you used to love?

 

[artificial_ineptness]

cause both me and my ex used to listen to them, but he cheated and made a playlist for her with these songs.

Ouch, damn, I'm sorry to hear that.

 

[Graytaichi]

I can relate to your pain

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand how you feel. I am in a similar situation. The days are too long and there is nothing that I enjoy or look forward to. I struggle to concentrate and I have no interest in anything. I always feel horrible. All I am doing is passing time until I fall asleep. My life is very depressing and empty, it is like I have already died. I'm sorry you are going through this. I wish you the best.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

I've ceased all the things I once loved: music, cooking, seeing friends, learning, dreaming, hoping…

 

[whatevs]

This is relatable. Although I've been suicidal for years now, I struggle to think of any moment in the last couple of months that I have had any desire to do anything (besides duties / obligations) outside of thinking / reading about death. Ideally, I would at least want to spend my time productively and somehow help others, since I have nothing better to do until I ctb, but I don't feel capable / have the energy / know what to do, so I just have to lay down and rot until a new day comes and I can start this garbage all over again.

May I ask why you feel shame about the music you used to love?

I'm worried about the fact that I relate to what you wrote.

 

[Wet and Cold]

I relate to this 100% I've lost interest in nearly everything regarding my physical health such as being social, exercising and even eating. It's hard for me to sit down and watch something or play a video game because I'm starting to lose interest in those things too. I long for sleep as it has become the only form of release from the constant suicidal thoughts I have.