scary
find your own way to the Knife
- May 1, 2024
- 194
Hi everyone. This feels surreal to write but I finally have my method.
I've been kind of planning this for awhile now, but I'm going with full suspension. My rope came in yesterday and my family is going to be out of the house for the week so I think this is a sign from God for me to finally ctb. There's a hook in the ceiling of my house that's enough feet off the ground and sturdy enough to hold my weight so I'm going with this as my final method of choice. It honestly wasn't what I would originally want to go with but my mental and physical problems are becoming so unbearable to the point where I'm telling myself now to suck it up and get it over with if I really want to die.
I do have some things I want to do before I ctb, the main thing being I want to wear some kind of suit before I die. I made a thread about it but I've always had feelings of wanting to be a man but unfortunately that is never going to happen in this life. I got somewhat cheap clothes online and as stupid as it is I feel somewhat happy for once, getting to present in a masculine way and learning how to tie a tie. I know I'm going to be buried in a dress so I might as well let myself have this.
The other thing that I want to do is listen to some of my favorite songs. Once the final song is over for me I'm going to ctb. To say I'm relieved would be understatement but its finally here and I'm not going to take this opportunity for granted. I'm going to miss my family's cats mostly. If Heaven is real though maybe I'll see my cat who passed away again and I'll be with him in the afterlife.
But I guess this is goodbye for good, thank you to everyone who was nice to me and sorry for some of the weird threads I've made on here during when I was mentally going through it. Like I said I've been planning a backup method of sorts for when things get really bad in my personal life and it is still kind of scary to me, but I'm ready to go through with it.
Goodbye everyone, thank you to this site for helping me find peace
- Scary
There's a lot of songs by this artist that I love and would like to listen to but I think this one is good to start off with. It's the first song in the first album he's ever made and I just like it a lot
Not really a meaning that I can think of, I just like TMBG and wanted to share this song
Again another song that I just like and wanted to share. The song title may or may not have been the name I wanted to go by if I was able to transition
Probably my favorite song by this band that I've listened to since when I was around 10. Of course my favorite song by them is the one about existentialism essentially but I have some decent memories of listening to this song and band in general so why not listen to it one final time.
My final song of choice that I've mentioned a few times on here and one I'd still like to listen to last. The way the song ends holds a lot of meaning to me and is the quote under my pfp
I've been kind of planning this for awhile now, but I'm going with full suspension. My rope came in yesterday and my family is going to be out of the house for the week so I think this is a sign from God for me to finally ctb. There's a hook in the ceiling of my house that's enough feet off the ground and sturdy enough to hold my weight so I'm going with this as my final method of choice. It honestly wasn't what I would originally want to go with but my mental and physical problems are becoming so unbearable to the point where I'm telling myself now to suck it up and get it over with if I really want to die.
I do have some things I want to do before I ctb, the main thing being I want to wear some kind of suit before I die. I made a thread about it but I've always had feelings of wanting to be a man but unfortunately that is never going to happen in this life. I got somewhat cheap clothes online and as stupid as it is I feel somewhat happy for once, getting to present in a masculine way and learning how to tie a tie. I know I'm going to be buried in a dress so I might as well let myself have this.
The other thing that I want to do is listen to some of my favorite songs. Once the final song is over for me I'm going to ctb. To say I'm relieved would be understatement but its finally here and I'm not going to take this opportunity for granted. I'm going to miss my family's cats mostly. If Heaven is real though maybe I'll see my cat who passed away again and I'll be with him in the afterlife.
But I guess this is goodbye for good, thank you to everyone who was nice to me and sorry for some of the weird threads I've made on here during when I was mentally going through it. Like I said I've been planning a backup method of sorts for when things get really bad in my personal life and it is still kind of scary to me, but I'm ready to go through with it.
Goodbye everyone, thank you to this site for helping me find peace
- Scary
There's a lot of songs by this artist that I love and would like to listen to but I think this one is good to start off with. It's the first song in the first album he's ever made and I just like it a lot
Not really a meaning that I can think of, I just like TMBG and wanted to share this song
Again another song that I just like and wanted to share. The song title may or may not have been the name I wanted to go by if I was able to transition
Probably my favorite song by this band that I've listened to since when I was around 10. Of course my favorite song by them is the one about existentialism essentially but I have some decent memories of listening to this song and band in general so why not listen to it one final time.
My final song of choice that I've mentioned a few times on here and one I'd still like to listen to last. The way the song ends holds a lot of meaning to me and is the quote under my pfp
