Pre-Goodbye

[caramelpudding]

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone in this site who has spoken to me or not.

I've been so alone and isolated before I'm really glad that I have the chance to know this site and talk to people on this site, you guys are such a kind soul, understanding and open minded. I felt like I belonged.

But sadly my situation is getting worse somehow. Both physically and mentally. I've tried, I really do, I hope that everyone around me would understand me.

I've blessed with my beautiful family and wonderful people and everything, I don't know why I ended up like this. Maybe I'm just unlucky.

If I succeed I will be together with my grandpa and my friend again, I've talked to someone on this site before that she wanted me to keep living and would cheer me up but I think I failed her… but I'll join her soon enough.

I don't have a fixed date yet and I don't think I will have the mental capacity to post before doing it.
So I'll just leave a thread here.

I've always thinking about being free and find peace since I was young, I have given the chance to live multiple times but I ended up messing it all over and over again. I've lost myself in that process.

The guilt is eating me alive.

To anyone who read this I hope that you can find peace as well I will be cheering you on whatever you chose to ctb or to recover and try to live again.

I hope whatever I choose will succeed and I hope you will all succeed with whatever choice you choose too.

 

[Enyan]

It's sad to potentially see you go, but I fully understand the need to leave when everything keeps getting worse and worse.

But, you know, I'm crossing my fingers for you that you wake up in a few days from now and suddenly feel better, in both the physical and mental aspect. Who knows, sometimes the weirdest stuff can happen.

Thanks again for the kind words you left on my post.

 

[lucas_sanctionedsui]

U still in there? Lets talk. I think I'm about to go soon

 

[dirkw83]

Well whatever you choose to do I wish you don't feel guilt so much. Life is hard and sometimes things just don't go as we want despite our best intentions. Take care friend...

 

[caramelpudding]

Sleep was always my comfort my everything. I know this sounds stupid right?

But it was always my escape and everything I Look for in every day.

Now I can't sleep I can't even nap, how is this possible? I would feel like I'm going to die every time I try to sleep. Now sleep is like a torture to me.

Withdrawal from psych meds took everything from me.

My cognitive, my comfort, my independence and myself.

I lost everything in the process.

I was sleeping 10+ hours a day before this withdrawal thing happened and I was never the same again.

I can only sleep 1 hour max a day and I have pain all over my body and my brain is a mush now.

I know many people would told me that there's light at the end of the tunnel but I'm really tired rn.

I tried to be patient but after months of waiting and trying I got worse, so much worse than before. It was partially my fault. I didn't know better I hate myself everyday.

I hope that on my last day I would get a peaceful sleep one last time.

It's sad to potentially see you go, but I fully understand the need to leave when everything keeps getting worse and worse.

But, you know, I'm crossing my fingers for you that you wake up in a few days from now and suddenly feel better, in both the physical andt mental aspect. Who knows, sometimes the weirdest stuff can happen.

Thanks again for the kind words you left on my post.

I wish the same to you, you're so kind you deserve all the kindness in the world and you deserve to live the life you always wanted.

Thank you for your kind words too. It's really warming to know that there's someone who's understanding and caring.

I wish for all the good things to happen to you.

Well whatever you choose to do I wish you don't feel guilt so much. Life is hard and sometimes things just don't go as we want despite our best intentions. Take care friend...

Thank you for your kind words. Knowing that someone understands means so much.

 

[darksouls]

however you decide,
I wish you the best, I hope you find relief from suffering

 

[SunnySideSummer]

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone in this site who has spoken to me or not.

I've been so alone and isolated before I'm really glad that I have the chance to know this site and talk to people on this site, you guys are such a kind soul, understanding and open minded. I felt like I belonged.

But sadly my situation is getting worse somehow. Both physically and mentally. I've tried, I really do, I hope that everyone around me would understand me.

I've blessed with my beautiful family and wonderful people and everything, I don't know why I ended up like this. Maybe I'm just unlucky.

If I succeed I will be together with my grandpa and my friend again, I've talked to someone on this site before that she wanted me to keep living and would cheer me up but I think I failed her… but I'll join her soon enough.

I don't have a fixed date yet and I don't think I will have the mental capacity to post before doing it.
So I'll just leave a thread here.

I've always thinking about being free and find peace since I was young, I have given the chance to live multiple times but I ended up messing it all over and over again. I've lost myself in that process.

The guilt is eating me alive.

To anyone who read this I hope that you can find peace as well I will be cheering you on whatever you chose to ctb or to recover and try to live again.

I hope whatever I choose will succeed and I hope you will all succeed with whatever choice you choose too.

I wish you will be happy , in this earth in preference