Our cat died two days ago

[heraclitus]

Our cat died two days ago. Kidney failure. It came on really quickly - I had to make the decision for euthanasia, to put her out of her suffering.

My wife and I have been crying since. I have not seen her so distraught since her father died.

Now I feel pre-guilty about CTB: I do not want to cause her that level or degree of pain.

Any opinions, thoughts about how I can proceed with ctb without causing that pain?

Thanks.

 

[WornOutLife]

First of all, I'm sorry for your loss. I'm gonna go crazy when my dog dies!

As for ctb, well, the truth is you should wait because it will be too much to cope with for your wife. What about giving life a shot for some more months?

Still, if you can't do it, I understand but that's what I'd do; I'd wait a bit more.

After all, we can die whenever we want.

 

[paininme]

I am really sorry about your cat I am sending love to you both.
In regards to not causing pain I don't think that is possible grief comes from love and it is devastating to loose someone I don't think the blow can be made less I think the only thing that helped me was learning to respect their decision to leave.Have you ever managed to open up to her about how you feel?
I am really sorry about your cat I am sending love to you both.
In regards to not causing pain I don't think that is possible grief comes from love and it is devastating to loose someone I don't think the blow can be made less I think the only thing that helped me was learning to respect their decision to leave.Have you ever managed to open up to her about how you feel?

 

[heraclitus]

First of all, I'm sorry for your loss. I'm gonna go crazy when my dog dies!

As for ctb, well, the truth is you should wait because it will be too much to cope with for your wife. What about giving life a shot for some more months?

Still, if you can't do it, I understand but that's what I'd do; I'd wait a bit more.

After all, we can die whenever we want.

Thank you WornOutLife - your advice is excellent. I'd arrived at the same conclusion. Only 1 of us I want to hurt.

I am really sorry about your cat I am sending love to you both.
In regards to not causing pain I don't think that is possible grief comes from love and it is devastating to loose someone I don't think the blow can be made less I think the only thing that helped me was learning to respect their decision to leave.Have you ever managed to open up to her about how you feel?
I am really sorry about your cat I am sending love to you both.
In regards to not causing pain I don't think that is possible grief comes from love and it is devastating to loose someone I don't think the blow can be made less I think the only thing that helped me was learning to respect their decision to leave.Have you ever managed to open up to her about how you feel?

Hi PainInMe - thank you. If I opened up, it would make the situation worse. For a lot of reasons, she would blame herself 5although I believe that she would, anyway). Opening up is something I only feel safe doing here.

 

[Shadowrider]

Sorry for your loss! Cats are incredible. They have very special personalities. Losing a cat might be exactly as painful as losing a fellow human.

The other users have already stated what I am about to say: it's better if you wait and see if there's any improvement.
Opening up and telling your wife about how you feel might be a good idea, no matter how hard or scary it feels. I wonder what would hurt her more? Would she blame herself more if you talked about your suicidal thoughts now - or would she blame herself more after being confronted with the fact that you caught the bus? (I hope this wasn't too offensive, because I didn't mean it to be rude or personal!)

 

[heraclitus]

Shadowrider - thank you for your wise words. I think she would blame herself more afterwards. Telling her would not help - my main reason for going is that I have realised now that being married denied me the chance to be true to myself, which she understands intellectually (but will not accept).

I have made financial provision, so at least she would not be totally destitute and helpless: and she has children (I don't), so there is a support network for her.

CTB is selfish but increasingly inevitable.