Michelstaedter
Specialist
- Feb 25, 2025
- 324
Lately, everything's been fucked up. I'm awake until almost noon, wishing I could sleep more so I could just sleep longer and longer and be like this, because I don't want anything, since what I want only makes things worse... Online gaming has broken me. Realizing that your only damn fun ruins everything every time you lose, every time some random guy is better than you, that nothing goes right, that's just life. You want to get a job, there will be 10 other people more qualified than you, and you'll end up choosing the shittiest job available.
Life isn't fun, and if there are any fun moments, I think they're like orgasms—so short and so meaningless. Speaking of orgasms, I gave up on having a partner a long time ago. A few years ago, I realized I was at the bottom of the ladder of choice for a normal woman, and obviously, I'm not a normal man. So I accepted it, resigned myself to it, and I'll die a virgin. It's not much, but I mention it in case you're thinking, "At least maybe she knew what romantic love was."
Everything is fucked up, everything is fucked up, everything is absolutely fucked up, I have no way out, I'm fucked up... My mother, who is crazy (and let her madness show) fought with my sister, threatened her with death and other shit, so imagine, if we're theorists of human biology and all that crap, I got the worst of her, because I'm fucked up too, only maybe I'm lucky enough to have some lucidity to write these things, to know that I'm a fucking sicko who insults and hates people who sometimes think contrary to me regarding topics like what I mentioned about "euthanasia" in mental illnesses, that I hate the people I lose to in the fucking online video games, that I hate knowing that I won't be able to die in peace and without pain, that I'll have to hang myself, get a gun or "SN" hoping that with luck I can die without so much agony.
Everything's fucked up... Everything's fucked up, I'm fed up...
Life isn't fun, and if there are any fun moments, I think they're like orgasms—so short and so meaningless. Speaking of orgasms, I gave up on having a partner a long time ago. A few years ago, I realized I was at the bottom of the ladder of choice for a normal woman, and obviously, I'm not a normal man. So I accepted it, resigned myself to it, and I'll die a virgin. It's not much, but I mention it in case you're thinking, "At least maybe she knew what romantic love was."
Everything is fucked up, everything is fucked up, everything is absolutely fucked up, I have no way out, I'm fucked up... My mother, who is crazy (and let her madness show) fought with my sister, threatened her with death and other shit, so imagine, if we're theorists of human biology and all that crap, I got the worst of her, because I'm fucked up too, only maybe I'm lucky enough to have some lucidity to write these things, to know that I'm a fucking sicko who insults and hates people who sometimes think contrary to me regarding topics like what I mentioned about "euthanasia" in mental illnesses, that I hate the people I lose to in the fucking online video games, that I hate knowing that I won't be able to die in peace and without pain, that I'll have to hang myself, get a gun or "SN" hoping that with luck I can die without so much agony.
Everything's fucked up... Everything's fucked up, I'm fed up...
