Venting Oof, made a mistake.

[Spiny Lobster]

I told myself not to tell my friend I'm planning on CTB and of course, my dumb self got too emotional today and let it slip. She's probably worried and I'm left feeling ashamed as hell.

I'm too honest for my own good. I'm afraid of what tomorrow will bring because I'm sure the therapist is going to find out and send me to the hospital in an ambulence.

God, I've been humiliated and it's only going to get worse from here!

 

[draw a circle]

oh dear. i hope things will go well. i had the urge to tell my friend too that i'm suicidal and not as a joke, but i'm still contemplating on that. wish i could just tell someone maybe i'll feel better. good luck, lobster

 

[Spiny Lobster]

oh dear. i hope things will go well. i had the urge to tell my friend too that i'm suicidal and not as a joke, but i'm still contemplating on that. wish i could just tell someone maybe i'll feel better. good luck, lobster

It's so hard, especially when your mouth is as big as mine! I have no idea what to do. I'm rethinking all the methods, too, because I want something that will actually work.

I am literally stuck between my shame and my inability to access actually potent methods, like a gun. I have all the suicidal ideation but none of the tools at my disposal. What do I even do?

 

[Silver]

Admitting suicidal ideation is fine, it's fairly common. Admitting a date, method, etc will get you negative attention.

 

[TAW122]

I'm sorry to hear that and I hope you are able to minimize the fallout. While I don't mention CTB, if I'm too melancholic or too depressive, people start to suspect things about me as well. My best policy would just be to not discuss about CTB topics or anything that could raise a red flag. In fact, when my bus actually comes (in the future - circumstance and time permitting), I don't plan to leave a note explaining because people will just spin it incorrectly, dismiss it outright, or trivialize it, etc. No point in wasting my mental energy and time to do something that not only accomplishes nothing but exacerbate things.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I don't plan to leave a note explaining because people will just spin it incorrectly, dismiss it outright, or trivialize it, etc. No point in wasting my mental energy and time to do something that not only accomplishes nothing but exacerbate things.

You had that manifesto, though (you may have called it something different), and were going to give additional notes to various people. What changed? Did you post a thread about it and I missed it?