Not sure what to do anymore.

[Tiredofhurting]

I have been lurking in here for awhile. A little about me. I tried to ctb last year around August. I did hanging partial handing. It would have worked but the anchor point was to weak and I think when I started convulsing the anchor point bent just enough to let me down. Since then I have wanted to go and have had dry runs . guess to see if I could do it. I can I will not fail again if I really want to ctb this time. My wife left me and it made me snap I guess. I have always had abandonment issues since I was a kid. My mom is total garbage mom and human in general. Never felt like I was apart of the world around me. even with my family. Idk kind of rambling now. Just feeling abandoned lonely. I am debating trying to get help through normal channels but honestly probably wont because once you open that door so much goes down it is almost better to not reach out for help. I have two little boys who I do love very much that I only get to see once in awhile now. Just feel like i am dragging my body through the every day cycle of get up go to work come home go to sleep get up go to work come home go to sleep. Just tired my soul is tired my body is tired i am emotionally tired.

 

[WornOutLife]

What a coincidence! I also tried to ctb last August and by partial (although I took like 100 different pills too)

I'm really sorry you're feeling like this. I dislike my mom too but she's sick (suffers from schizophrenia).

Anyway, just remember that recovery is not impossible. I'm trying to do my best to live (again) even though it's really hard.

 

[Tiredofhurting]

What a coincidence! I also tried to ctb last August and by partial (although I took like 100 different pills too)

I'm really sorry you're feeling like this. I dislike my mom too but she's sick (suffers from schizophrenia).

Anyway, just remember that recovery is not impossible. I'm trying to do my best to live (again) even though it's really hard.

I was just a pawn for my mom to attack my dad with. Thank you for sharing your story with me. I wish I had not failed to be honest. I am just so sad now I do not know what to do.

 

[yeahwellso]

I am debating trying to get help through normal channels but honestly probably wont because once you open that door so much goes down it is almost better to not reach out for help.

Well, there's nothing to stop you from still leaving life if you do try to get help and it somehow backfires. It doesn't sound like you have anything to lose. Considering the seriousness of your attempt, you clearly have the capacity to go through with it.

A few of the things you mention suggest that, like so many here, you might have borderline personality disorder. (I am starting to strongly suspect that I have borderline personality disorder, so I'm probably seeing it in everyone now ...)