Venting Not as fixed as i thought i was.

[coolgal82]

So like i posted in recovery about how things were seeming up and they were but then like everything kinda cascaded into my crash out today which like, to be fair, wasnt as intense as most of my others were i don't think, however it was also over *literally* nothing and tbf i kinda knew it was coming within like an hour of waking up i just tried to like surpress it and distract myself but then nah it came down. really thought i might be improving. guess not. well' lets see if i have a crashout worse than this any time soon. it'd really helpful if i wasnt basically out of drugs (i'm also broke and someone's trying to hack into my card. i literally ordered a new card and froze my old one and theyre still attempting to use the new one somehow) god i'm just so fucking tired of everything. i wish i could know definitely how everything was gonna end so if it doesnt end how i like it i could just end it all now and now have to go through that especially with all the uncertainty.

literally just all this crashing out just because the guy i'm speaking too took a long time to respond to me just a few times today (which like i don't think i've ever mentiones to him as being a peoblem, nor would i expect him to do anything cus 1. i usually stop caring as soon as he replies and 2. it'd be ridiculous to put any burden like that on him, its not his fault nor his responsibility to manage my brain being stupid and i especially just don't wanna burden him like that.) which started the whole spiral off as it does. idfk. i'm gonna try go to bed again theres like more details to this in my other posts if you want more context for this overall situation.