No SI CTB

[new.solution1]

Has anyone ever experienced this? Obviously I know if you respond you did not go through with the CTB.

I sometimes feel I can pull it off. Just drink the N, then lie down, no sweat, nothing to it. I psychologically prepare myself, and when I do my head feels like nothing, it's weird.

Just want to know if this is a common experience.

 

[Chronicillness]

I found myself air boxing, slapping my walls with my hands, and roaring into a fucking pillow all in an attempt to try and hype myself up with impulsiveness and spontaneity in order to try and take a lethal dose of heroin and clonazepam once before. I don't know if that would totally qualify as psychological prep, but the "prep" part for me will have many holes poked into it by my SI, so therefore, I tried/try to psych myself up with battle-cries and fighting stances. It's ridiculous, I know, but I feel like it does diminish the SI just a bit.

Sorry if this doesn't answer your question.

 

[rudebeat]

Back when I was a teen I had pretty much no fear of dying in general, but it wasn't until I started to climb a radio tower that I realized I had a fear of heights. I know at this time I wasn't really scared of death though because I had stood at the side of a high way in the middle of the night before waiting for a truck to come close enough to hit me and I barely felt anything. If I had sn back during either of those nights I'm pretty certain I would've died without fear. Now I've got 10 times as much of a better method as I used to and 10 times as much of reasons to ctb and I'm still not certain I could do it like I used to be.