I found this place about 6 months ago and reading everyone's posts has made me finally not feel alone in my suicidal thoughts. I have chronic pain and I am exhausted from existing. The only thing keeping me from ctb are my cats and my mom because it would destroy her. I have constant paranoia and anxiety about everything lately and I just don't know how much longer I can keep going. I can barely eat, sleep, or do anything because my brain is overloaded with horrible thoughts. I just want it to stop but it never does. I have tried partial a few times and was almost successful once but when I started to black out SI took over. I haven't been able to get it right since and now I'm just too depressed to even try again. I can't find joy in anything anymore and can't even watch TV or listen to music because my brain won't shut up and my heart just never stops racing. I know ctb is my only way out of this pain of living so I hate that I can't do it yet.
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Alwaysbadtime
Enlightened
- Jun 28, 2021
- 1,157
Have you taken meds? Perhaps a kind-hearted dr. would give you an Rx for benzos to try and calm down. Seroquel can help with sleep and it's not hard to get an Rx for. I relate to what you are saying. Anxiety is no fun. I also don't watch tv or listen to music.
Unfortunately, those meds trigger seizures for me so it's not an option. They can't even give me medications for migraines because of my reactions to anything that would help them.
I'm sorry you can relate because it sucks feeling this way. ā¤
Alwaysbadtime
Enlightened
- Jun 28, 2021
- 1,157
It really does. For now enjoy your cats' purring. I miss that so much. It's nice to find this forum. It's not exactly common knowledge about it. :)
Yeah I was so surprised when I found it! I immediately felt a connection to everyone and the mountains we climb each day just to start all over again tomorrow but at the same time being able to comfort each other along the way so it's not as overwhelming!
FuneralCry
Just wanting some peace
- Sep 24, 2020
- 48,655
Welcome to the forum. Sorry to hear you are suffering so much, this life really is tiring and anxiety can be an awful thing, I understand. I wish you well.
Thank you for welcoming me and understanding. I'm thankful for this space where it's okay to feel and talk to others who may have different stories but life has brought each of us here to make the darkness not seem as lonely.
GreenMile
Member
- Aug 3, 2021
- 95
Much love to you, your Mum and your cats. The relief of being able to share thoughts about suicide oddly keeps me going ! I guess it releases the pressure a little bit.Thank you! It does release some of that pressure because most people get uncomfortable but here is a community where it's okay to actually talk about it openly to people that get it. ā¤Similar threads
