My thoughts at night torture me

[mentalhealthfighter]

I try to sleep but all i get is insecure thoughts about how nobody likes me, im a failure, im disgusted by myself and more self hate. It makes me suicidal and i want to even start self harming.

I think you guys have this too?

 

[Snake of Eden]

Yes all the time but in reality there is nothing that makes you less than those people who have it well in life with better looks, beloved ones, money, status etc. You matter just as much as long as you are not secretly a vile person. Thats not just nice talk to make you feel better. I truly believe that even when I dont feel like it sometimes. I wish you well

 

[down for the count]

I know it's hard but try to practice self love. Treat yourself as you would treat a friend.

 

[Feeding Pigeons]

I know it's hard but try to practice self love. Treat yourself as you would treat a friend.

Could you expound on this a little more? I try to do this by arguing with the voices in my head that say negative things, like I try to be optimistic against the negative thoughts, but it never works. It always feels hollow and weak. How the fuck do you love yourself? I'm seriously asking.

 

[down for the count]

Could you expound on this a little more? I try to do this by arguing with the voices in my head that say negative things, like I try to be optimistic against the negative thoughts, but it never works. It always feels hollow and weak. How the fuck do you love yourself? I'm seriously asking.

Try to imagine if a friend was conversing with you and telling he or she had the same negative voices in his or her head. Then you might tell him to not feel bad or that he is being too hard on himself or the like. You might even pretend that you are someone else writing a post to S.S. saying that you don't deserve to live and then how someone else might react to that saying "of course you deserve to live".

 

[little helpers]

Could you expound on this a little more? I try to do this by arguing with the voices in my head that say negative things, like I try to be optimistic against the negative thoughts, but it never works. It always feels hollow and weak. How the fuck do you love yourself? I'm seriously asking.

if you go look at the recovery section, seems like it's common consensus that "go love yourself" is pretty much BS. that's my stance too. love is interpersonal by default. you try to be your own friend but you're only yourself. I find the "love yourself" shit degrading even, cuz that's just others' excuse to distance themselves from us. to ask us be "self-sufficient" when we're doing all that we can to reach out for help. to get us stfu when we deserve love and caring from another person.

but I also know genuine compassion is almost nowhere to be found, beyond the very few safe spaces we simply don't stay in for every minute of our lives. so, tips on how to feel a bit better:

- someone I knew in HS does this, he keeps a list of nice things others have said to him. words that has touched him, basically. reads them whenever he's god-awfully depressed.
- my own advice, keep a pet if you want to. no one loves you more than your pet. for real. you both need each other's companion and it's very bonding.
- observe your thought pattern. is it possible to trace it back to something or someone? cuz like, you tried counteracting your own thoughts *with* your own mind. or worse, with toxic optimism that simply gets rejected like foreign matter. with the exception of acute psychosis, people rarely just hallucinates negativity in their heads. it likely comes from somewhere. as an internalization of something. some based in the here and now, others an echo from the distant past. analyze it, understand it. sure, it doesn't mean you have "fixed" it or can fix it by now, but you've found a plausible attribution. and that's better than falsely attributing it to yourself.
- last thing I'm gonna say is just acknowledge it. not some "admitting to God your helplessness" BS, but to sit with it, accept it exists. IMO that's the first step to not being so hard on yourself.

 

[Feeding Pigeons]

Thanks for your replies.

 

[FuneralCry]

Our own thoughts can certainly torture us. Living is very painful as there is no escape from ourselves. For me personally, I do not hate myself but rather I hate existence instead. The fact that life is even a thing in the first place disgusts me. I am kept awake as I have so much dread for the future. Things will likely get worse for me. We also cannot forget the past. Everything upsets me and causes me to be stressed, for me the only way out is to die.
I'm sorry you have to go through this, I wish you the best.

 

[Onthe29th]

I think we all cope with our problems a little different. I cry about once or twice per day when I'm by myself and then I try to hide it.

 

[Insomniac]

I think you guys have this too?

I no longer have a classic self hating voice inside me.

I get super dark feelings so consuming I can't even hear my thoughts. sometimes it's like I'm possessed, honestly. my mind goes into the darkest sinister places and it's more intense everytimes.

there's litteraly so much resentment building up in my darkest times and it's mostly directed at my father. I'm really glad I no longer live with him because idk what I could do to him when I'm in this state honestly it scares me how much I hate him. I used to avoid him to protect myself but at this point it's mostly to protect him from me.