My intelligence is gone yet I’m terrified of it getting worse

[thousandsofstars]

Long story short, for what could have been one of a myriad of reasons, I've lost my mental ability and sharpness. I've always been depressed, since I was young, and have had OCD probably since I was 5 or so. Btw, wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy.
I consoled myself by thinking that one day I would do something important; I might be depressed, I might hate myself, but I have my brain, and I was decently smart and motivated.
Within a year, everything I had been working towards is gone.
I got married really fast really young, I really wanted love and affection (pretty much all of my familial and romantic relationships have been abusive) and he is a really good guy. But he doesn't understand me. I don't think he ever will or can. We haven't truly connected on a deep spiritual level and I know we never will. I don't know why we got married…I guess I hoped it would happen after.
Now we live together. I'm not productive. At all. I knew I wouldn't be living with a romantic partner. The life I dreamed of, of living by myself and making my own choices and being a free agent is gone. I don't have the cognitive ability or drive to do what I wanted to do in school anymore. I am incredibly ashamed of myself. I keep putting CTB off because I hope it'll get better, when I know it only gets worse. Over and over. When I was younger, the only reason I didn't CTB was because I was holding out hope that things would get better. Ironically, things are so much worse now that I'm nostalgic for that time lol. I wish I could go back and change every decision I made in this last year. I've tried every pill, every therapy. The pills made it way worse, got rid of my intelligence and no doctors know why or how to get it back. Still, I'm afraid of CTB methods because I don't want to end up with brain damage…even though even this level of cognition right now isn't enough for me to stay here. I'm the slowest in my classes now, first time ever. I am incredibly ashamed.
Hopefully it'll be over soon.
I've been trying so long to find peace, since I was so young…I hope I'm brave enough to finally be at rest soon.

 

[jimmyjiggy80]

Try some NAC+ supplements, helps to rebuild your neurons. Give it a month

 

[thousandsofstars]

I

Try some NAC+ supplements, helps to rebuild your neurons. Give it a month

I've given it many months. I've seen countless specialists, too. None of them can definitively say why or how to fix it. They just keep trying random stuff which makes me feel much worse. Thanks though

 

[telekon]

I

I've given it many months. I've seen countless specialists, too. None of them can definitively say why or how to fix it. They just keep trying random stuff which makes me feel much worse. Thanks though

You need to stop taking everything and get on a special high protein diet. You will get your alertness and creativity back. Dm me and I can send you something that can help.

 

[dust-in-the-wind]

Your post is intelligently written, so I don't think your brain is that bad off yet. Can I ask your age? What med you think did this to you? Are you on any meds now? Do the doctors agree you are cognitively impaired through cognitve testing? I am asking all these Q's because I am 57 and been on over 25+ meds and hoping I can give you some ideas to help you. I have been diagnosed with MDD, ANXIETY, OCD and ADHD. I also had cognitive testing last year while I was locked up in the mental hospital.

 

[thousandsofstars]

Your post is intelligently written, so I don't think your brain is that bad off yet. Can I ask your age? What med you think did this to you? Are you on any meds now? Do the doctors agree you are cognitively impaired through cognitve testing? I am asking all these Q's because I am 57 and been on over 25+ meds and hoping I can give you some ideas to help you. I have been diagnosed with MDD, ANXIETY, OCD and ADHD. I also had cognitive testing last year while I was locked up in the mental hospital.

Hey thank you for asking…I don't think I've reached the point where I'm genuinely profoundly incapable. But I have fallen very far, and I know how much more I used to be. This level, even if it isn't the absolute bottom, isn't acceptable to me…if that makes sense.
I don't believe I've had cognitive testing regarding all of this specifically. I was a bit of a lab rat for my mom who was doing psychology when I was younger, but nothing recent. They did do an MRI and CT to rule out like a tumor or something.
I was put on the following meds within about a one month span, with a STEEP dropoff at the addition of Zoloft and the increase in Wellbutrin a couple weeks in;
Trazodone
Buspar
Wellbutrin
Propranolol
Adderall
Medicinal marijuana (pretty heavy for several months, quit as soon as all the symptoms started but was high functioning on it)
Zoloft
Several vitamins

I was taken off of everything cold turkey by a new doctor when I explained the symptoms and went to the hospital and such. They've done every test in the book and can't say why I'm still like this 4 months later. My adderall doesn't really work anymore to help me lock in like I used to either…I feel like part of my brain is just shut down and inaccessible.
Oh and I'm fully off everything except for adhd med (after hiatus)

 

[TimeTraveling4]

I truly wish things could've been different for you. Seems like you can't get what you want and from a young age you knew it.

I don't think I've reached the point where I'm genuinely profoundly incapable. But I have fallen very far, and I know how much more I used to be. This level, even if it isn't the absolute bottom, isn't acceptable to me…if that makes sense.

I agree with the person saying your post is intelligently written. But as you said, it can only get worse and I truly doubt doctors are capable of helping. I just hope you find what you're looking for. Maybe not in this life but the next life and beyond. May I ask if you're spiritual or believe in reincarnation of that sort?

 

[soosenman]

Hello, Im in a very similar boat. Got into a psych ward and got a lot of meds and now my cognitive abilities greatly decreased. I played with the thought of CTB before but now I literally dont see any hope
I cant even watch a video anymore I just can't follow it

 

[3rdworldsadness]

I have intelligence problem I think this too I can't grasp concept of particular stuff it's kinda of feel stupid I feel so stupid. I feel like I have low iq perhaps. I always wanted to be smart but never was.