Venting My Gender Dysphoria Vents

[Liammm]

i want to take the knife from the kitchen and slit my wrists. Holy. Fucking. Shit. I'm literally a fat fucking ogre, I gained so much weight, have so much masculine features I'm starting to look like my dad FUCK.

i dont want to be a ducking man, but i feel like a God damn pervert too. I know I'll survive tonight, but i cant live this fucking life. Fuck masculinity fuck transphobia, fuck my fucking fucky life fuck me.

i fucking hate myself forever because i decided to marry. i will never get to transition, because i put myself in this fucking cage.

I'm fucking buying blades tomorrow and im fucking cutting i dont give a shit i dont care its been almost like 6 months but I CAN'T FUCKING TAKE IT. FUCK FUCK FUCK.


im wasting my youth. my life. im 23 i think but i wont be this young forever. I just feel like sobbing now. I wish i could spend one more night at my best friends house with the rest of the girls. i wish i could still hangout with them. i wish it wasn't weird when i try to make friends with other women. i just... i just want to be a woman. i dont care about that fucking agp or hsts shit, i would be fucking happy being ace for the rest of my damned life if i could just be a woman as i should have been.

i hope i dream tonight that i was a normal woman. Even if i just go to work in the dream. fuck masculinity, fuck this stupid penis, fuck being male.

 

[toxicjester]

Your pain sounds like my gf's and I'm so so sorry :(

I know gender dysphoria is really difficult to navigate and it's extremely overwhelming, I wish I could provide more comforting words but I'm not great at it :,)

If you do end up self harming try to do some harm reduction! Have some bandages n stuff on standby! Maybe something comforting you can do after the fact, or something

I hope your pain gets easier, or that at the very least you get a nice dream

 

[Forthy414]

I get you sis... I guess we can only be what we want to be in other life

 

[Liammm]

It's so, so cold. If I wanted to kill myself I would. Thats what I just heard from someone. That because I was talking about it I wasn't serious about it. That and they constantly repeated essentially YWNBAW. I know. I know that. And... and when i do ctb it's not for anyone but my siblings. Those who know what its like.

I wanted to buy SN but the current situation is crazy, I'm landlocked and there are no sky scrapers to jump, I cant access fire arms, idk what to do. I dont want to slit my wrist cause of pain and I could be saved but... maybe I should try.

im just so... lonely. so... sad. dysphoric. i wish i could turn it off like everyone thinks. but my family wife and community and job all just want me to "man up" and stop "being a pussy." i used to pride myself that i was more feminine. i could never and still struggle to fit in with men. all i can do is just replay caricatures of what a stereotypical man is. i used to love being compared to a woman. i always wanted to actaully. i proudly fought like a girl, proudly wore makeup and hung out with girls. im rambling...

i hope i can find a method soon. I started on my letters and time frames. maybe i should ctb on my bday? Idk yet. Anyway, sorry for wasting your time you who read to the end.

 

[Ready_2go]

I feel everything you've said. Hell i even did some self harm myself last night. Sadly it's only getting worse as well - the world does seem to be closing in on us. I'm just tryna get outta the way and onto the bus before it comes crashing down.