NSFW My Crazy downward spiral

[TheLastGreySky]

So, first and foremost I've been spiraling.
And I apologize in advance for the following rant.
I had my ex fiancee S stay with me for a week so I could get some closure and fortunately I DID get that. I was able to see that she wasn't ever genuine to me and I made the healthy decision to cut her off permanently despite the intimacy between us, I was able to see it was ever ONLY lust on her part..

But then I started cutting and even lit my t-shirt on fire to see if I even have any survival instinct left (Surprise I don't). I then attempted to get back with my ex girlfriend J, only for her to reject me after we had sex.
I then tried to talk about the relationship the next night and she still wasn't hearing it,
So today I had sex with a nice bisexual lesbian couple that I'm friends with who want to have a baby, and then after sleeping with both of them, me and my ex J got back together and we had sex.

So, apparently on top of being numb and self harming, I'm also a sex addict who's been on a bender the past 4 days who's also had sex with 3 woman in the past 6 hours.
I can say this is all without any narcotics or substances,
And the only excuse I can give is my BPD/ADHD/autistic brain craving dopamine and my lack of self regulation ATM.

I want to go to therapy, and my girlfriend wants me to go to a psych ward for cutting
but I'm choosing to not self harm from this point further. I was finally able to be open with her about my past CTB attempts and I feel like we might be able to be more open with each other from now on. I guess only time will tell.

 

[Dusk till dawn]

Human sexual feelings/procreation instincts are so wild, sex with 3 women for the past 6 hours, that's having sex with a person every 2 hours, i won't judge you, but the last part about intentionally procreating, consider your state, then imagine one of the people brough to existence because of your selfish desire to have sex finds himself in the worst situations possible that he starts considering suicide despite survival instincts, that sounds horrible, please avoid procreating just because you had a urge to have sex, you're doing the most despicable and henious crime a human can ever by procreating even if it's unintentional, use a condom when you're having sex

 

[TheLastGreySky]

Human sexual feelings/procreation instincts are so wild, sex with 3 women for the past 6 hours, that's having sex with a person every 2 hours, i won't judge you, but the last part about intentionally procreating, consider your state, then imagine one of the people brough to existence because of your selfish desire to have sex finds himself in the worst situations possible that he starts considering suicide despite survival instincts, that sounds horrible, please avoid procreating just because you had a urge to have sex, you're doing the most despicable and henious crime a human can ever by procreating even if it's unintentional, use a condom when you're having sex

I was helping a friend out. I wanted to procreate regardless because being a dad is the only thing I've ever been good at, the other two partners were on birth control. I'm a whore not an idiot.