Tonight I was honest during my mental health act assessment and told them all I have a plan and have been practising PSH. They deemed I was just tired and not suicidal and have prescribed me some sleeping pills for a week. I don't know what more I can do after screaming out for help only to be dismissed.
It truly feels like there is only one way this is now going to go and I will finally be at peace. I will be surprised if I last the weekend.
It sounds like you have mixed feelings about suicide and part of you wants treatment.
If you want in-patient care, most places and people are scared of liability and getting in trouble.
The notes that person wrote down may be vague, like "patient expresses depression and considering suicide, prescribed medication and suggested continuing support."
they won't be liable or in trouble if you die most likely
so instead, send an email to a doctor or someone else saying:
"hi, my name is [full name] and i am practicing partial suspension hanging on a regular basis and am working up to completing suicide, hopefully during the next X days. if i don't get in-patient care, I am very likely to commit suicide. I have a rope and have been practicing hanging with partial suspension hanging. if the rope were taken, I would just go buy another one. I have gotten up to testing myself in a hanging position, I started at 5 seconds and am up to13 seconds and felt close to passing out, so I stopped, but I am continuing to test this and am trying to increase my time so I will do it. I expect to die of suicide incredibly soon, possibly within weeks but it could even be days. I am surprised no one is providing emergency care and the fact that no one is doing this will probably result in my death. if you are willing to help, please respond. if no one replies, i will almost die. if no one helps me, i will attach this email to my suicide note so my family can know no one helped."
if you create a record like that, and send it to multiple people, ie "
[email protected] cc:
[email protected] [email protected] (or whatever nami's contact is) cc:
[email protected] etc)
if you do that, you could include "if you can help me with in-patient care, please hit reply all so everyone else on this list knows this is taken care of. if no one replies, then none of you are helping. do not assume someone else has replied, unless you get a message saying so or hear from me."
if you want involuntary care, you have to create your own record. it seems unlikely that person wrote down in the records "this person is about to hang themself, so I gave them sleeping pills."
a lot of mental health people are actual assholes, just do it for the money, and protect themselves in their documentation. they lie to themselves and others and say they care, but their actions show they don't.
writing something like that, via email, creates a record so that they can get in trouble if you die. If you want involuntary or inpatient care, this will make it harder for them to ignore.
you have to make what you send in writing, direct, irrefutable, and likely to result in getting fired if it's ignored.
