My Ex Does Not Care

[OrganDonor57]

Okay, so pretty much I have my plan to CBT laid out (finally!!). One of the things I was going to do was get a burner phone to call the loml (my ex) right before I did it, so I could leave talking to the only person I wanted to. I messaged her the other day that in a week or so I will contact her from a new phone number and that it's my last wish to talk to her one last time (I am aware this text is very ominous). It's so fucking weird though because she responded with "are you planning on hurting yourself?" and NOTHING ELSE. She has not followed up or cared at all about my mental health or things of that nature. It seems to me that it shows that PEOPLE DO NOT CARE IF YOU CTB, they just care that they don't seem guilty when it happens. Maybe I am delusional, but do you guys have any thoughts on this? (Also, the wording of "are you planning on hurting yourself?" seems very legalistic in a sense, so maybe she is trying to have evidence to get me admitted.)

Okay, so pretty much I have my plan to CBT laid out (finally!!). One of the things I was going to do was get a burner phone to call the loml (my ex) right before I did it, so I could leave talking to the only person I wanted to. I messaged her the other day that in a week or so I will contact her from a new phone number and that it's my last wish to talk to her one last time (I am aware this text is very ominous). It's so fucking weird though because she responded with "are you planning on hurting yourself?" and NOTHING ELSE. She has not followed up or cared at all about my mental health or things of that nature. It seems to me that it shows that PEOPLE DO NOT CARE IF YOU CTB, they just care that they don't seem guilty when it happens. Maybe I am delusional, but do you guys have any thoughts on this? (Also, the wording of "are you planning on hurting yourself?" seems very legalistic in a sense, so maybe she is trying to have evidence to get me admitted.)

CTB* lol

 

[mackoo]

Man, I'm ngl if she's your ex, you should not put that pressure on her. She does not have to "care" after getting this text. You miss her, I get that (I really really do, I'm in the same situation as you) but what you're doing to her is unhealthy. Still, if you want to CTB it's your call. But again, don't drag her into it - if you really love her as you said, let her go and let her not "care". Sucks but acceptance is the purest form of love I think. As I said, I'm in the same boat as you. But for me, it's more about accepting her not being my life anymore and accepting (without putting guilt on her) that in that case I don't want to live anymore and that's okay. But, man, if you love her, let her go really

 

[OrganDonor57]

Man, I'm ngl if she's your ex, you should not put that pressure on her. She does not have to "care" after getting this text. You miss her, I get that (I really really do, I'm in the same situation as you) but what you're doing to her is unhealthy. Still, if you want to CTB it's your call. But again, don't drag her into it - if you really love her as you said, let her go and let her not "care". Sucks but acceptance is the purest form of love I think. As I said, I'm in the same boat as you. But for me, it's more about accepting her not being my life anymore and accepting (without putting guilt on her) that in that case I don't want to live anymore and that's okay. But, man, if you love her, let her go really

This was more of a vent, I feel so much frustration. But yeah, she's my ex, not my gf; it just hurts, and it's hard for me to accept that lol.

 

[xXiloveyouXx]

Man, I'm ngl if she's your ex, you should not put that pressure on her. She does not have to "care" after getting this text. You miss her, I get that (I really really do, I'm in the same situation as you) but what you're doing to her is unhealthy. Still, if you want to CTB it's your call. But again, don't drag her into it - if you really love her as you said, let her go and let her not "care". Sucks but acceptance is the purest form of love I think. As I said, I'm in the same boat as you. But for me, it's more about accepting her not being my life anymore and accepting (without putting guilt on her) that in that case I don't want to live anymore and that's okay. But, man, if you love her, let her go really

forget that. if you're going to be dying anyway then at least let everything out and die saying what you want to say. it's your life that's ending, not hers. we're dying because we can't accept how things are and suicide is inherently a retaliatory action.

 

[mackoo]

This was more of a vent, I feel so much frustration. But yeah, she's my ex, not my gf; it just hurts, and it's hard for me to accept that lol.

I get that. It fucking sucks I know, I also don't know how to accept not being with my ex anymore. I probably should tell you to still think about it but who am I to say anything, I'm in the exact situation as you lol. No matter what you do I hope you find your peace one way or another

 

[name2come]

Okay, so pretty much I have my plan to CBT laid out (finally!!). One of the things I was going to do was get a burner phone to call the loml (my ex) right before I did it, so I could leave talking to the only person I wanted to. I messaged her the other day that in a week or so I will contact her from a new phone number and that it's my last wish to talk to her one last time (I am aware this text is very ominous). It's so fucking weird though because she responded with "are you planning on hurting yourself?" and NOTHING ELSE. She has not followed up or cared at all about my mental health or things of that nature. It seems to me that it shows that PEOPLE DO NOT CARE IF YOU CTB, they just care that they don't seem guilty when it happens. Maybe I am delusional, but do you guys have any thoughts on this? (Also, the wording of "are you planning on hurting yourself?" seems very legalistic in a sense, so maybe she is trying to have evidence to get me admitted.)

CTB* lol

I get that you probably were hoping for something more, but "are you planning on hurting yourself" very much IS an expression of concern. I don't think that's "legalistic" especially. I mean, she's right, isn't she? You're the one who hasn't followed up.

She can care about you and want you to get help while also understanding that this is not her role in your life anymore. That's what a break-up means. When I divorced my first wife, there was a point in the process where she unloaded on me about some traumatic events she had recently experienced. I felt very bad for her, but I also felt I needed to set clear boundaries and expectations about what our relationship was now. I had my emotional needs to be concerned with. I wanted her to get emotional support, but I couldn't provide that in that moment.

Your text to your ex was VERY ominous and not subtle. Her reaction was fair and did express concern. Why do you want to talk to her before you CTB? Or, more to the point, why do you want to talk to her as you are about to CTB? Please try to be introspective here about what you want to accomplish. If you want one last chance to express your feelings, it doesn't need to be as you are about to go. Really, it probably shouldn't be. That makes it sound like you either want to be talked down or you want to punish her. In either case, it might be helpful to take a step back a little here.

Believe me, I'm struggling with a lot of these things, myself. There is absolutely a part of me that wants a reason not to CTB. And there are also parts of me that want to hurt people on my way out. I know the later isn't healthy for me or anyone else. As to the former, I don't know. I know you can't just cry for help without setting off red flags, but its why I try to always remind myself that I'm in charge. I don't have to do anything on a particular timeline. That's true for you, too. I think sometimes, people feel like they must be cowards if they aren't ready, but that's just not true. It doesn't even mean you won't be ready, but its good to give yourself space to think about that and know what you want.

 

[DeadnDusted]

Man, I'm ngl if she's your ex, you should not put that pressure on her. She does not have to "care" after getting this text. You miss her, I get that (I really really do, I'm in the same situation as you) but what you're doing to her is unhealthy. Still, if you want to CTB it's your call. But again, don't drag her into it - if you really love her as you said, let her go and let her not "care". Sucks but acceptance is the purest form of love I think. As I said, I'm in the same boat as you. But for me, it's more about accepting her not being my life anymore and accepting (without putting guilt on her) that in that case I don't want to live anymore and that's okay. But, man, if you love her, let her go really

Honestly I would disagree, obviously OP was hurt by her to the point of wanting to kill themselves. If we assume he isn't at fault for her leaving then this is only "wrong" by the current societal ethics that put one's personal freedom above else, whereas other ethics and worldviews would state that there is a moral duty and responsibility between two people in such a relationship.

If you ask me a pure healthy love should operate on reciprocal altruism and a sense of duty not only self gratification and convenience. And it is a shame that we live in a society that forgoes that completely and greenlights treating even our closest people as replaceable assets while simultaneously gaslighting us into thinking letting go is some form of enlightenment when one's own biological wiring is throwing a fit due to it.

In the end neither positions are set in stone cosmic moral laws as each person is going live by what they think is right for them. But at least if OP wants her to know how much this affected him that should be his right as much as it was hers to leave and not care.

 

[Bishop]

Man, I'm ngl if she's your ex, you should not put that pressure on her. She does not have to "care" after getting this text. You miss her, I get that (I really really do, I'm in the same situation as you) but what you're doing to her is unhealthy. Still, if you want to CTB it's your call. But again, don't drag her into it - if you really love her as you said, let her go and let her not "care". Sucks but acceptance is the purest form of love I think. As I said, I'm in the same boat as you. But for me, it's more about accepting her not being my life anymore and accepting (without putting guilt on her) that in that case I don't want to live anymore and that's okay. But, man, if you love her, let her go really

Preach!

 

[peacebenow]

What are you wanting to get out of this? What is your main objective here? And she responded to your text in concern for your well being which is enough and does not need to be analyzed further. Focus on yourself now.

 

[Redhand5]

Okay, so pretty much I have my plan to CBT laid out (finally!!). One of the things I was going to do was get a burner phone to call the loml (my ex) right before I did it, so I could leave talking to the only person I wanted to. I messaged her the other day that in a week or so I will contact her from a new phone number and that it's my last wish to talk to her one last time (I am aware this text is very ominous). It's so fucking weird though because she responded with "are you planning on hurting yourself?" and NOTHING ELSE. She has not followed up or cared at all about my mental health or things of that nature. It seems to me that it shows that PEOPLE DO NOT CARE IF YOU CTB, they just care that they don't seem guilty when it happens. Maybe I am delusional, but do you guys have any thoughts on this? (Also, the wording of "are you planning on hurting yourself?" seems very legalistic in a sense, so maybe she is trying to have evidence to get me admitted.)

CTB* lol

I thought about reaching out too. I have decided against it, knowing that if it changed her mind it would change mine. But I'm not going to. There is too much at stake for me. What if she calls the police and my attempt is unsuccessful? What if I can't go through with it? What if this and that and everything else?
In my opinion, that's the hardest part of it for me is that I can't tell anyone about it. I want to tell my mom so she understands, I want to tell my family all the goodbyes, I want to reach out to my wife and have one last conversation with her. But if I do someone might decide to notify someone about it. Who knows, maybe someone would be able to actually change the situation and alleviate my need to CTB, but the odds of that are slim to none. So I can't take the risk.
That's why I came here to this forum of compete strangers, you people would understand and not try to stop the inevitable.

Just my opinion but I hope it helps.

In case I don't hear from you, happy trails and I'll see you over the next ridge.