Meaningless

[SophieMakesGames]

My aunt was suicidal and so she got told everyone cared for her and are here for her and love her and she has kids and a place here and am other things




When I said I was suicidal I got locked into a psych ward




Do I really matter ***that*** little…

I'm really that meaningless
My death isn't important enough to warrant anyone caring and nothing would change nor anyone would notice if I was gone


None of that was told to me only her


I was just sent away

I'm meaningless and hope I die soon…

I just wish someone would remember me or carry me with them, but it does feel preferable to leave the world entirely forever and have never existed.


Sadly ironicly the harm I've caused lasts but the good is all erased.

 

[katara]

I'm sorry, I get treated the same. No family to go to. Even on here it's quite hard to find help because people don't understand what it's like to be in an actual hopeless situation.

 

[SophieMakesGames]

I'm sorry, I get treated the same. No family to go to. Even on here it's quite hard to find help because people don't understand what it's like to be in an actual hopeless situation.

Yeah…

I'm sorry, I hope you can find someone.

I mostly use here for venting or talking about suicide

Cus everywhere else it's like the worst thing in existence


And even in places it's not demonized everyone says they can't handle it etc and for me to just go to a professional or call a hotline

I've done both and won't go into it but

988 said other people need help and hung up they said I could call back but I didn't and haven't sence it actually made me cry



And then my step mom tried using therapy as leverage over me to get me to do stuff and as such I'm not going not through her I'll get my own therapist and go on my own terms idc if it's impossible if I only have $-900 to pay if I can't get one that means the world doesn't think I deserve it doesn't want me to have one or it's physically impossible for someone to speak to me without money


It's not impossible to people just want it to be like this so that's fine







Anyways I'm sorry you're hopeless.


I hope things get better, or you can find peace soon, I hope I can find peace soon to,

Everyone tells me things get better but everyone who doesn't know I'm suicidal says everything only gets worse so uh yeah… idk…

But I hope things can get better for you, idk your situation.


Sorry for the long ramble.

 

[unluckysadness]

I feel the same. I'd like to talk about my suicidality in the "real life" but it's impossible.
Either people say "fight" or they tell me it will pass and to get treatment. And since people are easily sent to psych ward, I don't say anything.
This forum is the only place I can talk about it.

 

[bankai]

I'm guessing your aunt was much older than you . That might have to do with why she got more sympathy.

Younger people usually don't get the same treatment.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm guessing your aunt was much older than you . That might have to do with why she got more sympathy.

Younger people usually don't get the same treatment.

I think there are probably lots of factors. Age could indeed be one. That a young person is maybe just 'going through a phase'. Not that that should happen. People ought to be taken seriously.

I also think the frequency with which we say we are unhappy has an effect. A bit like the story: 'The Boy Who Cried Wolf'. People shouldn't of course, but they gat tired of seeing us in a mood or unhappy. If we've gone so far as to mention or threaten suicide and, we've done it a few times- they may no longer take it seriously. It's maybe more shocking for them when it comes out the blue fron someone they thought was ok.

They should offer love and support thoughout though OP. I'm sorry. Did they ever? Maybe that's something else perhaps. If they were loving and supportive at the very start but it hasn't changed things, they may simply not know what to do. The love and support should of course remain while they try to figure something out though.

Sadly though, I think other emotions can start to hit in- if the situation is longer term: Frustration that things don't seem to be improving. That we can't seem to handle our lives. Even anger that they are having to worry about us- sadly.

It's also easier to be compassionate from a distance I think. Being hugely sympathetic on a phone call is easier than being around a person constantly and showing sympathy.

 

[SophieMakesGames]

I think there are probably lots of factors. Age could indeed be one. That a young person is maybe just 'going through a phase'. Not that that should happen. People ought to be taken seriously.

I also think the frequency with which we say we are unhappy has an effect. A bit like the story: 'The Boy Who Cried Wolf'. People shouldn't of course, but they gat tired of seeing us in a mood or unhappy. If we've gone so far as to mention or threaten suicide and, we've done it a few times- they may no longer take it seriously. It's maybe more shocking for them when it comes out the blue fron someone they thought was ok.

They should offer love and support thoughout though OP. I'm sorry. Did they ever? Maybe that's something else perhaps. If they were loving and supportive at the very start but it hasn't changed things, they may simply not know what to do. The love and support should of course remain while they try to figure something out though.

Sadly though, I think other emotions can start to hit in- if the situation is longer term: Frustration that things don't seem to be improving. That we can't seem to handle our lives. Even anger that they are having to worry about us- sadly.

It's also easier to be compassionate from a distance I think. Being hugely sympathetic on a phone call is easier than being around a person constantly and showing sympathy.

I was told to kill myself if I really wanted to that there's plenty of ways to and that it's easy






And I attempted that night and the was told not to do it again because they don't want to come home to a dead body



So kind of ?


I was also told I shouldn't cus my grandmas sister killed herself.

 

[SophieMakesGames]

I was told to kill myself if I really wanted to that there's plenty of ways to and that it's easy






And I attempted that night and the was told not to do it again because they don't want to come home to a dead body



So kind of ?


I was also told I shouldn't cus my grandmas sister killed herself.

I attempted many times before and after I'm a failure so I can't even die right.



Currently trying to work up the courage to full suspension in my woods everything is ready I just don't like the idea of dying and being left like that but it probably doesn't matter I don't deserve a dignifying or good death


I used to live by a train but I don't anymore I wish I did.

 

[SophieMakesGames]

There is a .22 but aperently that's very possible to survive if you hit the wrong spot from the research I've done


There's a shotgun but I don't have access to it without other people around


And I'd prefer not to blow off my head around other people…



So yeah…

I was gunna drown in the ocean but the water made me sick and made me throw up


Idk if it was the fact I knew I'd die really easily if I just try it out there or what but I kept throwing up and we left way earlier then expected so I lost my chance


needless to say I've done it a lot so maybe your right maybe it doesn't suprise them and doesn't matter anymore.



But even in the beginning it didn't…

 

[Zardoz]

I also think the frequency with which we say we are unhappy has an effect. A bit like the story: 'The Boy Who Cried Wolf'. People shouldn't of course, but they gat tired of seeing us in a mood or unhappy. If we've gone so far as to mention or threaten suicide and, we've done it a few times- they may no longer take it seriously. It's maybe more shocking for them when it comes out the blue fron someone they thought was ok.

Yes, indeed.
A bit of a rant, you (all) don't have to agree:

People type 1) A significant amount of people, here and IRL, need other people to endorse their pain; they crave the 'poor you, I'm so sorry for you;', type of response., and sometimes even going public and angry on threads when they don't get it.
Their situation is mostly genuine and dire, sure.
Call it 'crying wolf' or simple attention seeking, whatever, there's a lot of it on this site. Some people have 1000's of posts going on for years, repeating the same 'woe is me' mantra without seemingly doing anything to change their life situation either +/-.
I know this site caters for all, including the headstrong, and I know it's tough dealing with these issues that we all do (and I do know, everyone has their story, I have my own backstory and am here for the same core reason too).
From my experience of trying to offer friendship and support to these people they normally are not interested and their choice is rather to vent in public.
There's also a lot of 'OMG my boyfriend left me' teenage angst type posts from what looks like kids that IMO shouldn't be on this site at all (or have its own section? mods?)

People type 2) is people with the same or perhaps even more genuine issues, that don't make so much noise in public, perhaps they are not so headstrong as type 1 people. Their posts get little response and sometimes get completely ignored. They quietly reach out in hope, and likely have a negative experience from doing so. These are the people we should all be offering support to.

People type 3) is those that are truly terrified by going public with their story or asking for help on the public forums. Presumably they just suffer in silence until their time comes, when they post a "hi all, this is my story, and bye" message. Or not. These, even more so, are the people we should be looking out for to offer hope and support.

Personally I find it very mentally draining trying to process and filter all the posts on here.
I do try to support those that I can.
I understand that categorising everyone into a few groups is not ideal, I'm only trying to describe things in a digestible way.
And I have not (yet) poured my heart out in public on this site, mostly because of the amount of type 1) activity. I'm probably more of a type 2) person. Idk.

Just my 2 cents.
No-one has to like or agree with any of this, that's absolutely fine.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Yes, indeed.
A bit of a rant, you (all) don't have to agree:

People type 1) A significant amount of people, here and IRL, need other people to endorse their pain; they crave the 'poor you, I'm so sorry for you;', type of response., and sometimes even going public and angry on threads when they don't get it.
Their situation is mostly genuine and dire, sure.
Call it 'crying wolf' or simple attention seeking, whatever, there's a lot of it on this site. Some people have 1000's of posts going on for years, repeating the same 'woe is me' mantra without seemingly doing anything to change their life situation either +/-.
I know this site caters for all, including the headstrong, and I know it's tough dealing with these issues that we all do (and I do know, everyone has their story, I have my own backstory and am here for the same core reason too).
From my experience of trying to offer friendship and support to these people they normally are not interested and their choice is rather to vent in public.
There's also a lot of 'OMG my boyfriend left me' teenage angst type posts from what looks like kids that IMO shouldn't be on this site at all (or have its own section? mods?)

People type 2) is people with the same or perhaps even more genuine issues, that don't make so much noise in public, perhaps they are not so headstrong as type 1 people. Their posts get little response and sometimes get completely ignored. They quietly reach out in hope, and likely have a negative experience from doing so. These are the people we should all be offering support to.

People type 3) is those that are truly terrified by going public with their story or asking for help on the public forums. Presumably they just suffer in silence until their time comes, when they post a "hi all, this is my story, and bye" message. Or not. These, even more so, are the people we should be looking out for to offer hope and support.

Personally I find it very mentally draining trying to process and filter all the posts on here.
I do try to support those that I can.
I understand that categorising everyone into a few groups is not ideal, I'm only trying to describe things in a digestible way.
And I have not (yet) poured my heart out in public on this site, mostly because of the amount of type 1) activity. I'm probably more of a type 2) person. Idk.

Just my 2 cents.
No-one has to like or agree with any of this, that's absolutely fine.

I was actually thinking more of people in real life in my reply here. Although, I suppose it could relate to replies on the forum also. Personally, I think it's good we all have a space we can vent. No matter what 'type' of person we are and, how often we need to vent.

As for responses, I suppose that's what I tend to see as the 'beauty' of it. I think many of us may struggle to constantly provide a listening ear and shoulder to others. We have our own shit going on after all. The forum being anonymous and open, I think there's to some extent, less pressure to be there constantly if we don't feel up to it. We can read a venting thread or not- depending on how we feel. The hope I guess is at least one or two people will be up to responding.