Venting Loss of emotion, need more to feel

[thaelyana]

Hello. Since joining this site (it will be almost a year on June 28th), I realize that I've lost a tremendous amount of empathy. I no longer feel sorrow for those who suffer, and the farewells don't reach me anymore. I used to get a knot in my stomach the moment I opened a thread; I would subconsciously pray for the person to pull through. Today, I read through these threads as if it were all perfectly normal. I don't hurt anymore, I feel no more grief. Nothing at all.
While trying to reconnect with my feelings, my body, and that lost empathy, I stumbled upon the site "My Death Space" (which some of you probably know). And there, I felt that intense, familiar unease again. Discovering the causes of these deaths, seeing the photos of these young people while they were alive... it gave me genuine nausea. I rediscovered what I had stopped feeling here over the past few months.
The worst part is knowing that this knot in my stomach will eventually fade away again. And I dread ending up back on gore sites to feed this need to feel the pain, just like I used to do a few years ago.
Do you know what the final stage of all this is? Only feeling an emotion when actually going through with it. So I try to control myself, to climb the steps little by little. To keep a bit of death and life inside me.
I tell myself I can't be the only one in this situation. I like our forum, but it just doesn't touch me anymore. It has ended up completely channeling, or even anesthetizing, my emotions.
I suppose it's a side effect.
Stay strong, everyone.

 

[Hollowman]

You're not the only one. I'm almost completely desensitized and numb. But does that even help you at all. If it does you're more human than me. It never helps me knowing there's others experiencing similar things. I'm really far gone.

 

[thaelyana]

You're not the only one. I'm almost completely desensitized and numb. But does that even help you at all. If it does you're more human than me. It never helps me knowing there's others experiencing similar things. I'm really far gone.

It doesn't help me, I did want to make an observation. Look at the before-after, tell me that today there are goodbyes that no longer do anything to me while 1 year ago they made me tremble. This feeling is bad, it's not normal.

 

[EternalShore]

See ya, Thaelyana~ Should you be going as it seems you may have :) we'll miss you~ >_< It was really neat sending out birthday wishes together! I hope you reclaim your emotions and sensitivity and get away from desensitizing sites for you like this and any others~ :)

Support huggies~ >~<

 

[sadbh—itstimetogo🤎]

Seeing people post goodbye threads used to make me feel really weird, and now it's just another Tuesday when I see them. I think it helps me ctb, though, to normalize this.