Venting Keep asking why I'm such a fuck up

[Panna]

I wish I knew what's wrong with me so I could at least address the problem. My inability to keep up social relations after a single conversation. The constant changes between being completely happy to being completely down. Even as I type this I can't stop yelling at myself and biting myself as well, lots of violent tendencies that I take out upon myself as a result of the inner me telling myself how futile and pointless this is. I know it is, but I'm sticking it out there. I'm just so tired of everything. I've always wanted to be able to stick to the benevolant persona of helping people, I try being the mediator between four different people a day in my own family alone only to not feel any real connection despite wishing to. I keep thinking back to blessed elliot rodger and his manifesto. How he spent so much time driving around isla vista trying to find something, anything to improve the despair that he felt and went through. Despite his best efforts, nothing changed how he felt and how he ultimately died within his beloved bmw. I don't have any reason to feel this way. I have three brothers who constantly ask me to do things with them, watch anime, go on walks, watch movies, parents who have told me that I can stay with them despite my age. I can't just leave, since the stress of being outside making my own decisions is enough to cripple me, yet I can't keep living this way.

 

[rt1989526]

Elliot Rodger was a piece of shit. The only life you should be able to take is your own

 

[Neodynam]

I wish I knew what's wrong with me so I could at least address the problem. My inability to keep up social relations after a single conversation. The constant changes between being completely happy to being completely down. Even as I type this I can't stop yelling at myself and biting myself as well, lots of violent tendencies that I take out upon myself as a result of the inner me telling myself how futile and pointless this is. I know it is, but I'm sticking it out there. I'm just so tired of everything. I've always wanted to be able to stick to the benevolant persona of helping people, I try being the mediator between four different people a day in my own family alone only to not feel any real connection despite wishing to. I keep thinking back to blessed elliot rodger and his manifesto. How he spent so much time driving around isla vista trying to find something, anything to improve the despair that he felt and went through. Despite his best efforts, nothing changed how he felt and how he ultimately died within his beloved bmw. I don't have any reason to feel this way. I have three brothers who constantly ask me to do things with them, watch anime, go on walks, watch movies, parents who have told me that I can stay with them despite my age. I can't just leave, since the stress of being outside making my own decisions is enough to cripple me, yet I can't keep living this way.

I'm in very similar situation... however I don't think you should portray Elliot in this light.

I don't also think you want to walk the path that Elliot did. I know you are probably going through a lot and feel like there is no hope in you life, almost all of us here feel that way, but you need to understand how it is COMPLETELY unjustifiable to take your pain out on others like Elliot did. The only choice in the pro-choice movement is the choice to take you own life. That is the only life you have agency over.

I hope that you aren't considering doing something similar to what Elliot did. This community can help you, just as it has helped many other people. Feel free to PM me.