sylvi3
New Member
- Jul 20, 2026
- 2
Hi everyone. This is my first time post here, but it isn't my first time on this site. In fact, I used to lurk here quite frequently before I ever made this account.
My name is Sev. I'm a gay transgender male, been out since the summer of 2021. Later that summer we moved out of my grandmother's house after she instigated a domestic situation with my mom, her only daughter. My grandmother never liked me, I reminded her too much of the daughter she didn't like. I took the brunt of a lot of verbal and emotional abuse from her, while she made it obvious that she favored my little brother.
Last October, my birthday month, my grandmother died while I was on a road trip with my mom to visit my friend a few states away. Now, in a week, we'll be moving back into the house.
I've struggled throughout my life with my mental health, specifically what one of my past therapists has called "chronic suicidality". I've been in and out of mental hospitals more times that I can count. I've had many attempts, some serious and some less so.
My mom keeps medications locked away now. I tried to break into one safe during an episode, and so she had to buy a new one. She didn't hide the keys. Last night, I was looking through it for her blood pressure medication, which slows the heart. Metoprolol succinate. 100mg each. Around 4000mg total with the 40 pills that were in there. I did some research, and a 38 year old man was hospitalized and severely unwell with just 2000.
With a lot of my overdoses, I've called the cops on myself shortly after. I guess I usually kinda realize that I've fucked up. I have a cat and we're getting a new kitten when we move. I have my friend states away. I have my mom. I just still feel so lonely, and I keep getting this pit of the stomach feeling that I feel like I need to do something about.
So... yeah. That's all, I guess. I felt like I needed to get this off my chest.
My name is Sev. I'm a gay transgender male, been out since the summer of 2021. Later that summer we moved out of my grandmother's house after she instigated a domestic situation with my mom, her only daughter. My grandmother never liked me, I reminded her too much of the daughter she didn't like. I took the brunt of a lot of verbal and emotional abuse from her, while she made it obvious that she favored my little brother.
Last October, my birthday month, my grandmother died while I was on a road trip with my mom to visit my friend a few states away. Now, in a week, we'll be moving back into the house.
I've struggled throughout my life with my mental health, specifically what one of my past therapists has called "chronic suicidality". I've been in and out of mental hospitals more times that I can count. I've had many attempts, some serious and some less so.
My mom keeps medications locked away now. I tried to break into one safe during an episode, and so she had to buy a new one. She didn't hide the keys. Last night, I was looking through it for her blood pressure medication, which slows the heart. Metoprolol succinate. 100mg each. Around 4000mg total with the 40 pills that were in there. I did some research, and a 38 year old man was hospitalized and severely unwell with just 2000.
With a lot of my overdoses, I've called the cops on myself shortly after. I guess I usually kinda realize that I've fucked up. I have a cat and we're getting a new kitten when we move. I have my friend states away. I have my mom. I just still feel so lonely, and I keep getting this pit of the stomach feeling that I feel like I need to do something about.
So... yeah. That's all, I guess. I felt like I needed to get this off my chest.
