I've been going on for too long, postponing both my death and my graduation, and I'm supposed to pay for this semester's tuition by the end of this month. It's not that much, but big enough to be a burden. And I'm like, I could use that money for my funeral though? I keep thinking of doing it this month, but suddenly it's the end of the month and I'm still painfully alive.
My parents are planning to pay tomorrow. I'm too scared to die tomorrow, even though I have the stuff ready and there's a spot in my old house (it's owned by my relatives, but it's empty, unlike my current house) that I could use, it's 15 mins away and I could just go there without anyone knowing. I was so ready, have been planning for more than a year, but it's scary. Moreso bc i don't want to think what would happen if i fail. How would i explain to them. It would be super awkward and in the pandemic getting into a hospital isn't a good idea (it's never a good idea tbh).
Me and my friends are planning to meet up at the same house this saturday. My birthday is next month. A new season of an anime I loved is next year. So many things to look forward to, but I just can't keep going on. Truthfully i wanted to die on my birthday, but will I be ready by then? I suppose i will never be. But then I'll never gonna do it. I just want it to be over... I want to stop paying for school and stop doing my thesis. I don't care how close i am to graduating... Even if i graduated i don't have things i need to survive in this world. I'm way too fucking soft and tired. This world is not for me. I don't want it. Too big of a price to pay, for a little bit of fun here and there. Not worth it anymore.
My parents are planning to pay tomorrow. I'm too scared to die tomorrow, even though I have the stuff ready and there's a spot in my old house (it's owned by my relatives, but it's empty, unlike my current house) that I could use, it's 15 mins away and I could just go there without anyone knowing. I was so ready, have been planning for more than a year, but it's scary. Moreso bc i don't want to think what would happen if i fail. How would i explain to them. It would be super awkward and in the pandemic getting into a hospital isn't a good idea (it's never a good idea tbh).
Me and my friends are planning to meet up at the same house this saturday. My birthday is next month. A new season of an anime I loved is next year. So many things to look forward to, but I just can't keep going on. Truthfully i wanted to die on my birthday, but will I be ready by then? I suppose i will never be. But then I'll never gonna do it. I just want it to be over... I want to stop paying for school and stop doing my thesis. I don't care how close i am to graduating... Even if i graduated i don't have things i need to survive in this world. I'm way too fucking soft and tired. This world is not for me. I don't want it. Too big of a price to pay, for a little bit of fun here and there. Not worth it anymore.
