My last 6 attempts to work failed abysmally. At the last two chances I got severly ill after one week. I either get manic or severly depressed. Both makes it impossible to work. At the moment I try to study and I am turingn very ill. At the weekend I try to relax. I even took lorazepam but this won't work for a long time. I am really desperate. Many professionals told me this would work. I told them that I really doubt it. I was right in the end, I wish they would have been right.
If you get mistreated as a child your mind can be so fucked.. I have many different mental illnesses. I am a wreck.
That this attempt to study did not work has many negative consequences. I think the best thing I could do is finally tell the truth to the job centre and give up. I cannot stop anything. I will ctb in the future due to poverty and bipolar and many other reasons. I really fighted hard my dad told me yesterday I would be obliged to try it as they give me money. I think barely anyone would have done this 6 attempts. In my bipolar self aid group many have given up after the first attempt to work again.
They had the luck to have a high pension or stuff like that. For me I did not have much luck in this life.
I think I am at the moment not capable to imagine all the negative consequences of this new failure. I think atm I am in the surival mode not to get even more ill. My therapists don't want that I give . In case of my psychologist this is kind of irresponsible i guess. I was really at the edge of mania at the last appoinment.
I never told him I am going to ctb when I get severly depressed again but I left many hints.
I think I should call my psychiatrist and describe the situation. It is so hard for me to stop studying. I don't want to be a quitter but becoming manic would be a catastrophe.
If you get mistreated as a child your mind can be so fucked.. I have many different mental illnesses. I am a wreck.
That this attempt to study did not work has many negative consequences. I think the best thing I could do is finally tell the truth to the job centre and give up. I cannot stop anything. I will ctb in the future due to poverty and bipolar and many other reasons. I really fighted hard my dad told me yesterday I would be obliged to try it as they give me money. I think barely anyone would have done this 6 attempts. In my bipolar self aid group many have given up after the first attempt to work again.
They had the luck to have a high pension or stuff like that. For me I did not have much luck in this life.
I think I am at the moment not capable to imagine all the negative consequences of this new failure. I think atm I am in the surival mode not to get even more ill. My therapists don't want that I give . In case of my psychologist this is kind of irresponsible i guess. I was really at the edge of mania at the last appoinment.
I never told him I am going to ctb when I get severly depressed again but I left many hints.
I think I should call my psychiatrist and describe the situation. It is so hard for me to stop studying. I don't want to be a quitter but becoming manic would be a catastrophe.
