A
ASwissGuy99
Just a lonely wanderer, wandering aimlessly
- Mar 16, 2023
- 85
Since I can remember, my parents abused me.
As a toddler already, my mom would regurarily kick me lying on the floor, screaming shreaking like a demon angrily at me, until I stopped crying and begging for mercy.
Later when I failed at school because I was bullied my dad would beat the shit out of me with belt etc, and scream at me until I stopped begging for mercy and crying too. Every week at least once.
He also said how much he enjoyed messing with my mind, enjoyed making me feel pain, enjoyed breaking me.
I remember him saying this to me as he stared at me like he was possessed by some evil entity.
I've never seen such crazed evil eyes before.
After he beat me he always said he was so sorry, he will never do it again, and promised me, he didnt know what came over him.
But also it's my fault for making him angry, failing at school, being lazy etc.
So after his act being sorry and all that, I was beaten up again just a week later, and this over weeks.
Eventually I said I don't care about your fake apology anymore.
And of course he got mad angry, and my mom too, and again he beat the shit out of me, and if my mom. Tried to stop him he would threaten her too. And said that it would be like treason, and if she tried to stop him he would beat the shit out of her as well.
So in fear of course she stepped back, so my dad unleashed hell on me again.
But this time I was older and I wouldn't take it anymore, so I wrestled him to the ground, and asked him "how do you like that huh?"
After that he was so embarrassed that the beatings stopped for a while, I was doing fine in life school etc fine again.
Bullying stopped because I changed school.
But only a few months later my dad suddenly got angry over minor things again. And then of course he remembered what I did to him, and this time he would be armed with a belt, and beat me harder than ever before.
I didn't want this to happen so I ran to the kitchen and grabbed a knife.
I pointed it at him and said; "If you attack me I'm gonna stab you! "
Of course he managed to intimidate me and I dropped the knives and run away.
He basically taunted me, and said I would never hurt him, because I'm a pussy, I'm a weakling, not a real man, useless, a burden and good for nothing, and it would be better if I killed myself he said.
Fortunately it didn't escalate further that day, my mom could calm my dad this time.
There were some fights I attacked them without provocation though because I hated being constantly tormented and wanted revenge.
I'm this case I nearly chocked my mom until she passed out for revenge for abuse.
They called the police and I was arrested, and then hospitalized.
They for some reason sent me back to my parents and the thing started again, again I was arrested any hospitalized. Again sent back home.
Probably because any alternative would take months.
Constant fighting was a daily occurrence with me my mom my brother my father all fighting each other, insulting, beating whatever.
Every day most of the time, everyone against everyone.
Until it escalated again but then I was old enough so they kicked me out, then I was homeless for some time.
Until my parents showed mercy again and took me back in. Only for them to nag me about my laziness etc, because I was too tired and too depressed to do anything.
Only to get thrown out again by my dad again, and befote that nearly thrown down stairs, which is dangerous.
Homeless again, but the cops were looking for me because before I got kicked out I wrote something suicidal and angry rant online someone reported to fbi
So they found me because I got back to my parents.
I was swatted, hospitalized again.
First thrown into a jail cell though. Because they didn't know what to do with me.
Then back to psych ward. I only narrowly avoided a conviction for "assault and making threatening statements"
After that I was put into an institution for mentally ill, trying to rehab me.
It failed and I was put into another institution where I'm since 2 years or so now.
Is my childhood the fault I failed so hard in my life? Or is it really all my fault?
As a toddler already, my mom would regurarily kick me lying on the floor, screaming shreaking like a demon angrily at me, until I stopped crying and begging for mercy.
Later when I failed at school because I was bullied my dad would beat the shit out of me with belt etc, and scream at me until I stopped begging for mercy and crying too. Every week at least once.
He also said how much he enjoyed messing with my mind, enjoyed making me feel pain, enjoyed breaking me.
I remember him saying this to me as he stared at me like he was possessed by some evil entity.
I've never seen such crazed evil eyes before.
After he beat me he always said he was so sorry, he will never do it again, and promised me, he didnt know what came over him.
But also it's my fault for making him angry, failing at school, being lazy etc.
So after his act being sorry and all that, I was beaten up again just a week later, and this over weeks.
Eventually I said I don't care about your fake apology anymore.
And of course he got mad angry, and my mom too, and again he beat the shit out of me, and if my mom. Tried to stop him he would threaten her too. And said that it would be like treason, and if she tried to stop him he would beat the shit out of her as well.
So in fear of course she stepped back, so my dad unleashed hell on me again.
But this time I was older and I wouldn't take it anymore, so I wrestled him to the ground, and asked him "how do you like that huh?"
After that he was so embarrassed that the beatings stopped for a while, I was doing fine in life school etc fine again.
Bullying stopped because I changed school.
But only a few months later my dad suddenly got angry over minor things again. And then of course he remembered what I did to him, and this time he would be armed with a belt, and beat me harder than ever before.
I didn't want this to happen so I ran to the kitchen and grabbed a knife.
I pointed it at him and said; "If you attack me I'm gonna stab you! "
Of course he managed to intimidate me and I dropped the knives and run away.
He basically taunted me, and said I would never hurt him, because I'm a pussy, I'm a weakling, not a real man, useless, a burden and good for nothing, and it would be better if I killed myself he said.
Fortunately it didn't escalate further that day, my mom could calm my dad this time.
There were some fights I attacked them without provocation though because I hated being constantly tormented and wanted revenge.
I'm this case I nearly chocked my mom until she passed out for revenge for abuse.
They called the police and I was arrested, and then hospitalized.
They for some reason sent me back to my parents and the thing started again, again I was arrested any hospitalized. Again sent back home.
Probably because any alternative would take months.
Constant fighting was a daily occurrence with me my mom my brother my father all fighting each other, insulting, beating whatever.
Every day most of the time, everyone against everyone.
Until it escalated again but then I was old enough so they kicked me out, then I was homeless for some time.
Until my parents showed mercy again and took me back in. Only for them to nag me about my laziness etc, because I was too tired and too depressed to do anything.
Only to get thrown out again by my dad again, and befote that nearly thrown down stairs, which is dangerous.
Homeless again, but the cops were looking for me because before I got kicked out I wrote something suicidal and angry rant online someone reported to fbi
So they found me because I got back to my parents.
I was swatted, hospitalized again.
First thrown into a jail cell though. Because they didn't know what to do with me.
Then back to psych ward. I only narrowly avoided a conviction for "assault and making threatening statements"
After that I was put into an institution for mentally ill, trying to rehab me.
It failed and I was put into another institution where I'm since 2 years or so now.
Is my childhood the fault I failed so hard in my life? Or is it really all my fault?