Is there anyone from this forum who ctbed that you still miss?

[xhelx]

And do you want to share more about your relationship with them?

 

[ihatemyself2025]

yes yomander He successfully ctbd

 

[opheliaoveragain]

@platoscavedweller is one of many.

 

[getoutgirl]

Yep. Might as well vent about it.
They died just this first of may. Found their obituary a week ago, which gave me some closure as I was still hoping they'd write back as they promised if their attempt didn't go through. They are dead now. I know that.

I knew them for a ridicule ammount of time but they were that kind of person you bond so quick with and share just so much, both in interests and nature and thoughts and struggles. I feel like I was a bad day away from what they ended up doing. They just had the means and a not-too-great environment.
I wished they hadn't done it. I'm totally honest with that, else I'd be lying. I'd much rather they were alive and we could keep talking. So much I didn't get to ask their opinion on...
Also they hadn't even ever tried any help. No psychologist, voicing their thoughts irl, nothin. Because they were afraid of opening up and believed they would be just that sad forever. and I don't think that. I can't prove it. But I don't think they made the right decision that night. And I wished I could have said the right thing then

I was also probably the last person they ever spoke to. I still haven't processed that, but I sure can't get it out of my head. Not sure on it either, they said they didn't want to alert anyone or even say anything to family and friends. They wanted it sudden. And we talked that night up until an hour before when they said their thanks and goodbyes as that was a personal moment for them...
A part of me wants to reach out to their family, which I probably could, show them some of the reasoning behind what they did, give them the closure that I so desperatedly needed myself. Another part thinks that's a terrible idea, would get police involved on me and I'm not sure if that's what they'd want, though I don't think they'd care much now...
Regardless all of me felt awful and anxious and a tense mess ball of nerves about it but its gotten easier each day and now with closure. I felt so awful I cancelled my own cbt plans still as of now cos I didn't want to cause that on anyone, to my loved ones. So I'm alive thanks to them. Really Wished they had survived and I could've kept the lesson AND talking to them.

I said I was gonna vent. Fuckin arrest me.

To conclude, not gonna say their username, cos I don't want to. but they were a lovely tortured person incredibly intelligent and caring and I wish I could hug their soul so bad wherever they are rn
I miss u <3

 

[Blueberry Panic]

I have made many friends on here and almost all of them have ctb . I'm not naming names but they've all found peace and I'm happy for them all

 

[Namelesa]

@ijustwishtodie has been the only person here that I have missed mostly cus of we were closer to views on life, death and suicide compared to the average member here and him having a high activity here so him gone made me feel more lonely here. He was really understanding and rational about everything and he made me feel more confident in my views as I saw I wasn't the only one with them and comforted me quite a bit with his time here. Over all tho I am getting over the loss at this point and just happy he has gotten what he has always wanted and now no longer suffering.

 

[Bad Karma]

my best friend irl :(
he used to be on here all the time years ago but i didnt see the appeal at the time. we had a pact to ctb together, but he got into an "accident" before we were ready, and i miss him a lot. i finally managed to find the forum he talked so much about back when we were in school. its silly but i made an account because being on the same forum feels like a small way to stay close to him.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

There are quite a a lot of people who CTBed and who I miss here since I joined 2 years ago. It's so sad that there was no other solution to their problems.

 

[happysunnydayy]

I miss all those who were in this forum before :(

 

[DOHARDTHINGS24]

@platoscavedweller is one of many.

Another month-iversary, heart still broken . I was so damn clueless of how much I would miss them & that it wouldn't go away. I hope they're still saving my seat, that maybe I even meet them?? Who knows?? I expect "mostly" nothingness, with some tethering, I just don't know to who & how & why.
Even tho I loved my mum, dad, aunties, uncles, friends, ex-boyfriend etc, for some weird reason, it's P that I think about. I really hope that relationship was real & not imaginary...