Introducing me

[Fox in the Snow]

Hello everyone.
I'm a long-time lurker. It took me a long time to join, although I've been reading posts here for over a year. It is good to read words which echo my thoughts.
On the surface, I shouldn't need to be here - good job, house, partner... but I am desperately sad, anxious and in constant emotional pain. I have wished for death since my early teens and hurt myself since then too. It's weird, I have creative hobbies and I love sering beauty in nature, yet if I could die now, I would.
What finally prompted me to post? I guess what I am slowly realising is emotional abuse from my partner. I don't think he means it, but I feel inadequate, useless, a burden and a limit on him. I hide away in our home. I've asked him to leave but he won't. I think he stays for the financial security my job offers.
My beloved dog died three weeks ago. It's like my final tether to the world has gone. I feel like I am floating and watching myself do things sometimes. I miss her so much.
It's good to write these things out. Thank you for reading.

 

[Red]

Bless you honey I'm so sorry that you find yourself in this position. Do you have anyone in your life on side; family, friends etc? Sometimes getting friendlies on board can help you find strength and apply pressure to be able to push for change?

I'm so sorry about your dog, that must be heartbreaking. I hate it when people say things like "it's just an animal!" when these creatures are friends and family members x

There are legal steps you can take to make your partner leave. You can give him notice to vacate and force him to leave if you have decided that he shouldn't be around you anymore. He's a grown man and should be able to take care of himself!

Bug hugs, and welcome

 

[Fox in the Snow]

Bless you honey I'm so sorry that you find yourself in this position. Do you have anyone in your life on side; family, friends etc? Sometimes getting friendlies on board can help you find strength and apply pressure to be able to push for change?

I'm so sorry about your dog, that must be heartbreaking. I hate it when people say things like "it's just an animal!" when these creatures are friends and family members x

There are legal steps you can take to make your partner leave. You can give him notice to vacate and force him to leave if you have decided that he shouldn't be around you anymore. He's a grown man and should be able to take care of himself!

Bug hugs, and welcome

Thank you so much.
I do have some friends but they live a long way away. I haven't fully disclosed how I feel - I guess I'm embarrassed and ashamed. From the outside, we look happy. There's something in me that feels I would be letting others down if I admitted how unhappy I am. It sounds daft when I type it out! But yes, he is able to make decisions too xx

 

[logan]

Even if it is hard and no matter what other people say or think - then you have to separate.

The loss of your beloved dog is of course especially hard to bear at the moment.
Maybe it helps you a little to go for a walk with dogs from an animal shelter.

 

[WornOutLife]

Aww, sorry about your dog!! I know what that feels like!!

Welcome to SS!
You'll find lots of great people here who will do their best to help you and I bet you can help us too!! :)

Hugs and love,

Matt

 

[Fox in the Snow]

Thank you so much for your kind welcomes

 

[IWantToSleep]

I feel terribly anxious and sad everyday too.

 

[Fox in the Snow]

I feel terribly anxious and sad everyday too.

It's exhausting isn't it? And then to be told 'don't worry' or 'don't think about it'.

 

[FuneralCry]

Welcome to the forum. Our thoughts really can torture us, I have wanted to die from a young age too. Losing an pet can really be devastating. I wish you the best.