amy joyce
Member
- May 2, 2026
- 80
I'm not super religious and never was, but I'm more a believer now than I used to be. Although I haven't been a member of this forum very long, those who I've been in contact know that I lost my son to suicide last August. He was an agnostic or atheist. He was also my beloved son and I miss him dearly.
Even thought the Bible says "thou shall not kill" the actual translation is "thou shall not murder". So for purposes of this posting I am relating it to my son in the sense that I trust/know that despite he his killing himself, he could still go to heaven. However many people believe that we must also be believers in life and give ourselves over to God and repent before we die in order to get to heaven.
I've always been a do "my own thing" when it came to my faith. I was very open to others and am polite when it comes to others. I don't want to argue. But in no way do I believe my son would be denied heaven. However I am haunted with thoughts that he wouldn't have allowed himself the chance to go, being that he was an agnostic (his official stance since he said that if he saw Jesus he would believe).
I don't want to make a big production of this topic . And you can call me crazy if you want, but I sort of feel that I should die so I that can help my son find and meet Jesus in the spirit, kneel before Him, give himself over to God so he would then be able to get to heaven. My son was a wonderful young man. A deeply good person who wouldn't hurt anyone. He wouldn't even lie on a job application. Not even a simple lie to get a job. He also loved animals and never raised his voice or fought with people.
So part of my reason CTB is to be with him again because he's all alone in a different state of consciousness. And also to ensure that he meets with Jesus and knows it's alright and he would be accepted by Him and allowed into heaven. See, I don't really believe in hell. I just think it's the absence of God and our other loved ones outside of heave. That some of those spirits are lost and some are with Satan in a bad place, while others are just sort of in mediation waiting and working on their afterlife.
Just wondered if anyone ever has had thoughts like these at all??? I do have other reasons for ctb which I've been working on because I know that I don't really want to die. I just want to stop suffering physically and emotionally. But regarding the former, maybe I should speak to someone who thinks they know or actually does know more. Obviously they'll want to talk me out of dying which isn't what I want it to become about. I want the focus to be my son and heaven, etc.
Even thought the Bible says "thou shall not kill" the actual translation is "thou shall not murder". So for purposes of this posting I am relating it to my son in the sense that I trust/know that despite he his killing himself, he could still go to heaven. However many people believe that we must also be believers in life and give ourselves over to God and repent before we die in order to get to heaven.
I've always been a do "my own thing" when it came to my faith. I was very open to others and am polite when it comes to others. I don't want to argue. But in no way do I believe my son would be denied heaven. However I am haunted with thoughts that he wouldn't have allowed himself the chance to go, being that he was an agnostic (his official stance since he said that if he saw Jesus he would believe).
I don't want to make a big production of this topic . And you can call me crazy if you want, but I sort of feel that I should die so I that can help my son find and meet Jesus in the spirit, kneel before Him, give himself over to God so he would then be able to get to heaven. My son was a wonderful young man. A deeply good person who wouldn't hurt anyone. He wouldn't even lie on a job application. Not even a simple lie to get a job. He also loved animals and never raised his voice or fought with people.
So part of my reason CTB is to be with him again because he's all alone in a different state of consciousness. And also to ensure that he meets with Jesus and knows it's alright and he would be accepted by Him and allowed into heaven. See, I don't really believe in hell. I just think it's the absence of God and our other loved ones outside of heave. That some of those spirits are lost and some are with Satan in a bad place, while others are just sort of in mediation waiting and working on their afterlife.
Just wondered if anyone ever has had thoughts like these at all??? I do have other reasons for ctb which I've been working on because I know that I don't really want to die. I just want to stop suffering physically and emotionally. But regarding the former, maybe I should speak to someone who thinks they know or actually does know more. Obviously they'll want to talk me out of dying which isn't what I want it to become about. I want the focus to be my son and heaven, etc.
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