Venting Imprisonment by my family

[FloatingJellyfish]

I made a post before explaining what happened but now things are getting worse.
Yesterday my mother attacked my dog when I stopped her she started attacking me.
I defended myself but got punished for not letting her hurt me.
Now I've been taken away my keys, card, phone and any outside ways of communication.
Besides this laptop that I shall use to research the sin of not letting your mother hit you.
Today both my sis and mom locked themselves up in their rooms
Every time I see one they refuse talking to me.
I had to write an apology letter to get my things back but she is refusing on reading it or giving my stuff back.
I've been taken away any type of human interaction.
Not allowed to even talk to my friends.
Its tortures.
I'm being treated like I'm a prisoner in isolation confinement for not letting her hit me.
I'm so lonely and sad being treated like lowest of the low.
I just want to kill myself.
I don't want to live like this.
Having her beating me up and then get locked away for daring to defend myself.
I'm in so much pain.

 

[Manfrotto99]

I'm so sorry. Have you told anyone what is going on? It's abuse and legally it sounds like it wouldn't be allowed and needs investigation. But that is my guess and its a whole other story tying to prove anything . You must also be scared of the repercussions that might occur. It's a trap, but in my opinion, you have 3 choices, leave your home for good, ctb or stay and try to sweat it out. If you stay, even until youv'e organised your get away, you need to be cleaver and find strategies. Be wise, get tough.

Have you tried to show your mother that you have boundaries and can't be simply pushed around and treated as a punching bag at her whim? Is this the first time she has taken your keys and cards ? That is stealing and you could report her. She cannot stop you from talking to friends and other people. Does she do this kind of thing often and for how long? Have you got any supportive friends? You need strategies. I know planning to CTB can be strategy, but have you tried others? I gather your sister is on your mums side?

Yes you will be feeling very low and ashamed and its a heavy weight to bear. You are a victim by someone who is supposed to care and love you, but who instead is using you to make herself feel better by bullying and being in control. As a victim of domestic abuse myself, narcissistic father and narc golden child sister, I can only try to share some of my own strategies in the hope something might help you.

I decided to stay and endure the abuse for personal and financial reasons. Some would say its been the wrong choce, but familes are complicated and we need money to survive. Some of my strategies have worked in the past to some degree, but they do not seem to be working anymore and are currently falling apart. Ctb is my back up plan but i still employ strategies to survive while i wait for the right timing.

 

[FloatingJellyfish]

I'm so sorry. Have you told anyone what is going on? It's abuse and legally it sounds like it wouldn't be allowed and needs investigation. But that is my guess and its a whole other story tying to prove anything . You must also be scared of the repercussions that might occur. It's a trap, but in my opinion, you have 3 choices, leave your home for good, ctb or stay and try to sweat it out. If you stay, even until youv'e organised your get away, you need to be cleaver and find strategies. Be wise, get tough.

Have you tried to show your mother that you have boundaries and can't be simply pushed around and treated as a punching bag at her whim? Is this the first time she has taken your keys and cards ? That is stealing and you could report her. She cannot stop you from talking to friends and other people. Does she do this kind of thing often and for how long? Have you got any supportive friends? You need strategies. I know planning to CTB can be strategy, but have you tried others? I gather your sister is on your mums side?

Yes you will be feeling very low and ashamed and its a heavy weight to bear. You are a victim by someone who is supposed to care and love you, but who instead is using you to make herself feel better by bullying and being in control. As a victim of domestic abuse myself, narcissistic father and narc golden child sister, I can only try to share some of my own strategies in the hope something might help you.

I decided to stay and endure the abuse for personal and financial reasons. Some would say its been the wrong choce, but familes are complicated and we need money to survive. Some of my strategies have worked in the past to some degree, but they do not seem to be working anymore and are currently falling apart. Ctb is my back up plan but i still employ strategies to survive while i wait for the right timing.

Told friends but they can't do anything. If I talk about boundaries she gets mad saying I can't expect her to change her ways cause she isn't young anymore and the fact that I survived this long means she is a good mother.
She has always taken freedom from me mostly imprison me at home only letting me out when she feels like it but only if I sent her constant reports on where I am. She normally doesn't take my phone away tho. Can't cbt even though I want I know it would end with my dog getting abused. My sister is on my mom's side always but only because it benefits her, she is moving out now ergo being on her side means she can move out without my mom interfering with her. Since she wanted to move out my mom was genuinely upset at her mostly venting on me, now that she is angry with me my sister has full support. Yeah I'll try to stick it out till I have the financials to move out but I have to leave the country as well at the same time otherwise she'll find me. We have family in high positions in airforce and military who wouldn't care why I run only that I get back to her.

 

[struggles_inc]

Treat it as a hostage situation, as it clearly looks like one. Comply with your mother. Write an apology with ChatGPT if you can't muster up the words to write it yourself. Plan escape in silence, no matter how far away from now, it will give you hope and power to push through till you finally run away from her.
Read your previous thread. I would bet on your mom being a narcissistic type.

When my mom locked me out, I would always play on her ego. Stroke it a little. Say how you understand you clearly offended her dignity with your actions and while you understand the seriousness of the disrespect you caused her, you hope that she will forgive you, because you have reflected on your actions and you regret ever hurting her. Say you made a mistake.

I think in this stage you need to stay low-profile with her. Seeing she can turn physically violent, it's dangerous to provoke her.
With my mom, seeing me cry would lighten her up a bit. Be careful with that though. If she enjoys it too much, it will play out not in your favour.

Having a witness also made a difference for me. Narcissistic people behave better when supervised. However, that depends highly on a witness, because a wrong witness will make them wish to perform cruelty to a greater extent. For me, someone from the outside worked. A mailman, a neighbour, her colleague from work. Someone who she would consider a reputation point.

 

[FloatingJellyfish]

Treat it as a hostage situation, as it clearly looks like one. Comply with your mother. Write an apology with ChatGPT if you can't muster up the words to write it yourself. Plan escape in silence, no matter how far away from now, it will give you hope and power to push through till you finally run away from her.
Read your previous thread. I would bet on your mom being a narcissistic type.

When my mom locked me out, I would always play on her ego. Stroke it a little. Say how you understand you clearly offended her dignity with your actions and while you understand the seriousness of the disrespect you caused her, you hope that she will forgive you, because you have reflected on your actions and you regret ever hurting her. Say you made a mistake.

I think in this stage you need to stay low-profile with her. Seeing she can turn physically violent, it's dangerous to provoke her.
With my mom, seeing me cry would lighten her up a bit. Be careful with that though. If she enjoys it too much, it will play out not in your favour.

Having a witness also made a difference for me. Narcissistic people behave better when supervised. However, that depends highly on a witness, because a wrong witness will make them wish to perform cruelty to a greater extent. For me, someone from the outside worked. A mailman, a neighbour, her colleague from work. Someone who she would consider a reputation point.

Thank you for the tips. I've been doing what you're saying but she wants to play victim as long as possible faking injuries even then suddenly screaming at me. I wrote her a latter exactly like this but she is refusing to read it now. Supervision doesn't work on her cause she will not back down from anyone . I'm gonna stay low profile now for awhile like you said. Thank you a lot

 

[struggles_inc]

Thank you for the tips. I've been doing what you're saying but she wants to play victim as long as possible faking injuries even then suddenly screaming at me. I wrote her a latter exactly like this but she is refusing to read it now. Supervision doesn't work on her cause she will not back down from anyone . I'm gonna stay low profile now for awhile like you said. Thank you a lot

If she wants to play victim, play along. Perhaps she doesn't want to read your letter because she wants a teary apology from you personally. At least that's what I would think as a kid.

The bottom line is, narcissistic people are actually really easily manipulated. Your leverage will change from person to person but the core idea will be ego. This helped me survive and will probably help you.
Beware that it will be trial and error and you will get burned. In my childhood, it took me a lot of time to figure out what worked. Just keep in mind how she operates and you might run into some funny stuff.

For example, my mom has a lot of pride, so if I convinced or manipulated a third-party person to pressure her to make me a promise or forgive me for something, she will actually do it because she's too prideful to back down from her own words.

 

[FloatingJellyfish]

If she wants to play victim, play along. Perhaps she doesn't want to read your letter because she wants a teary apology from you personally. At least that's what I would think as a kid.

The bottom line is, narcissistic people are actually really easily manipulated. Your leverage will change from person to person but the core idea will be ego. This helped me survive and will probably help you.
Beware that it will be trial and error and you will get burned. In my childhood, it took me a lot of time to figure out what worked. Just keep in mind how she operates and you might run into some funny stuff.

For example, my mom has a lot of pride, so if I convinced or manipulated a third-party person to pressure her to make me a promise or forgive me for something, she will actually do it because she's too prideful to back down from her own words.

Not gonna work well she thinks everything i do is manipulation even though im not (cause my dad used to and I look like him).
I gave her a teary apology just now and it was actually real.
She managed to make me feel so guilty for something I havent done, I bursted out crying apologising to her.
And then she said im a stranger to her and a danger not her daughter.
She did give me my phone back
But by putting it on the lunch table
And disappearing with my sis for 2 hours.
Without saying a word.

But keeps saying I committed the greatest sin and will be punished by god in hell.
Also talking about how just because my father used to hit me doesnt excuse me defending (she said rising my hand) myself from her.
Saying its no excuse if I get a ptsd flashback I should have just let her.
(Weird coming from a psychologist which she is btw)
She did say goodnight back at least so maybe thats something.
I try playing it low and just helping out at home but everytime she sees me she starts trying to guilt trip me.

I will continue following your tips
Thank you
Sorry for the quick vent, genuinely just feeling overwhelmed and abandoned

 

[struggles_inc]

Not gonna work well she thinks everything i do is manipulation even though im not (cause my dad used to and I look like him).
I gave her a teary apology just now and it was actually real.
She managed to make me feel so guilty for something I havent done, I bursted out crying apologising to her.
And then she said im a stranger to her and a danger not her daughter.
She did give me my phone back
But by putting it on the lunch table
And disappearing with my sis for 2 hours.
Without saying a word.

But keeps saying I committed the greatest sin and will be punished by god in hell.
Also talking about how just because my father used to hit me doesnt excuse me defending (she said rising my hand) myself from her.
Saying its no excuse if I get a ptsd flashback I should have just let her.
(Weird coming from a psychologist which she is btw)
She did say goodnight back at least so maybe thats something.
I try playing it low and just helping out at home but everytime she sees me she starts trying to guilt trip me.

I will continue following your tips
Thank you
Sorry for the quick vent, genuinely just feeling overwhelmed and abandoned

It's ok. I'm really sorry you're going through this.
My conscience turned off when I was small, so my mom couldn't ever make me feel guilty or make me spiral. It's partially what kept me sane, so I can't even start to imagine the emotions you're going through.

Good news is that you have your phone back. That's a little win, albeit fragile, in all this situation. Please stay safe. I can't in my right mind advise you to actively detach from your emotions, but that's what I ended up doing.

I think you don't have to ctb. I don't really see how any of this is your fault or how it might have decayed your psyche. Seeing your reactions, I think once the abuse is finally behind you, you have a solid chance for recovery.