Venting I'm too scared to stop thinking about ctb.

[raindrops]

When I think about ctb I feel calm, its like a big invisible cuddle.
I never use to be suicidal, I'm wondering if these feelings will go?
You know there's people out there who still feel suicidal even with millions in the bank.
I can't remember what it was like to feel "normal" I just want to feel happy again.
I'm worried I will feel this way forever and at the same time too scared to stop feeling this way.
Do others here feel the same as me?

 

[whywere]

YES I do feel the same way, at times, like you do.There are days/times when either I am having a bad day or something went wrong big time and it pushes me to think of ctb and it is relaxing, till I start calming down, for lack of a better way of saying it. I TOTALLY agree about the money aspect. I have personally known people that were very well off and they ctb, money overall means nothing, excpet maybe one of the aspects of getting help, than haaving to have the government pay for it. I have NEVER "felt" "normal", either. Now as faras being ahppy, you have one HUGE aspect in your courner to help, and that si ALL OF US here on sanctioned suicide. We are ALL ONE HUGE GLOBAL FAMILY, and I for one love and care for you and I want only happy times for you. All the love, caring and empathy in the world to you my global family member. I am not on 24/7 here BUT when I am I extend the offer that I would LOVE to be there for you if that is what you want.