Im too isolated and desperate for friends and family

[darkcirclesunder]

No one ever talks about the worst part of being alone, is when you have maybe one family member left, but you cant make friends or find a partner because of your pure isolation which would drive anyone away. Basically no one wants to meet any ine who doesnt at least have a few good friends or close family members, and then after being alone for so long you cant even really relate to the concept of family or friends anymore. This also plays into the matthew effect.

 

[StolenLife]

I'm in the same situation right now, as my lack of friends and empty non existent social media profiles are a huge red flag. Basically one thing leads to another until you find yourself isolated.

 

[Sammie]

Yes, and it seems the older we get [or maybe the longer we go this way], it gets more difficult to make real world connections and meaningful relationships, easily becoming even more isolated over the years.

 

[whatevs]

Yes, and it seems the older we get [or maybe the longer we go this way], it gets more difficult to make real world connections and meaningful relationships, easily becoming even more isolated over the years.

It does seem like in the human animal relationships TEND to be forged in our formative years, but that is not to say you cannot meet someone and become close later, it does happen. The first step is to work on feeling at least marginally well in your own skin, that should make joking and faking small talk easier. If you are 100% miserable that's not going to be appealing to anyone except to predators and swindlers.

 

[darkcirclesunder]

It does seem like in the human animal relationships TEND to be forged in our formative years, but that is not to say you cannot meet someone and become close later, it does happen. The first step is to work on feeling at least marginally well in your own skin, that should make joking and faking small talk easier. If you are 100% miserable that's not going to be appealing to anyone except to predators and swindlers.

Its very difficult to make relationships past 21 for sure. I would liken it to a homeless man knocking on random peoples houses convincing people to let him live with them. Doesnt help if you are a pessimist or introvert for sure.

 

[whatevs]

Its very difficult to make relationships past 21 for sure. I would liken it to a homeless man knocking on random peoples houses convincing people to let him live with them. Doesnt help if you are a pessimist or introvert for sure.

This is 50% of the reason I'm in the forum. I've had friendships past teen years but they all died relatively quickly. It forces you to consider what you need to change, i.e. 'what's wrong with me'. Though some of these friction-inducing or limiting features are out of our control. In my case a significant degree of sexual dysfunction and sweat-inducing fear of people are there.

We might also need to learn to be alone for x period of time, tame that beast with meditation and spiritual/philosophical inquiry.

 

[darkcirclesunder]

This is 50% of the reason I'm in the forum. I've had friendships past teen years but they all died relatively quickly. It forces you to consider what you need to change, i.e. 'what's wrong with me'. Though some of these friction-inducing or limiting features are out of our control. In my case a significant degree of sexual dysfunction and sweat-inducing fear of people are there.

We might also need to learn to be alone for x period of time, tame that beast with meditation and spiritual/philosophical inquiry.

I dont think its anything wrong with us per say, i mean unless youre supremely extroverted, always going to parties or forming superficial connections, youre either going to end up alone or paired off with a partner you met in highschool or college jobs or something. As for me, i definitely would need to either CTB or go live on a zen buddhist center, i personally couldnt deal with existential lonelyness and depression while living in this society.

 

[whatevs]

I dont think its anything wrong with us per say, i mean unless youre supremely extroverted, always going to parties or forming superficial connections, youre either going to end up alone or paired off with a partner you met in highschool or college jobs or something. As for me, i definitely would need to either CTB or go live on a zen buddhist center, i personally couldnt deal with existential lonelyness and depression while living in this society.

I don't know you at all so can't comment, but I definitely can say there has been and might still be something wrong me. 'Wrong' is a contextual word, mind you. What's wrong in a context is useful in another. For me this 'socially wrong feature' would have to be being a critical and negative person, even if often camuflaged out of fear of retaliation.

Being critical and negative is actually 'not wrong' AKA 'good' when we need someone to point out the flaws in something so that we can better it, but in human relationships there has to be way more ass-licking and back-scratching than an adversarial stance. People want allies, not some holier-than-thou or above-you-intellectually person. I think I've done a lot of progress here but there's a block in the road in the fact that I genuinely believe society is insane and most people deep down are not worthy of respect. LOL Kind of a big deal.

Let me make this point very clear: people noticed that I despised them somehow. Humans are very sophisticated receivers of information, and despite their lunacy in many respects most people are much more respectable than anything technological in terms of intelligently processing and acquiring information. What you really think of people comes through subtly when you get close to them, regardless of anything you say.

Being scared of people is also 'wrong', and in this case in most contexts. It would only help me in the very infrequent case of crossing paths with a serial killer or kidnappers, as I always have paranoid scenes playing out if there's the slightest indication of this possibility in the environmennt.

What do you think off the top of your head might be 'wrong' with you socially? There has to be something.

 

[darkcirclesunder]

I don't know you at all so can't comment, but I definitely can say there has been and might still be something wrong me. 'Wrong' is a contextual word, mind you. What's wrong in a context is useful in another. For me this 'socially wrong feature' would have to be being a critical and negative person, even if often camuflaged out of fear of retaliation.

Being critical and negative is actually 'not wrong' AKA 'good' when we need someone to point out the flaws in something so that we can better it, but in human relationships there has to be way more ass-licking and back-scratching than an adversarial stance. People want allies, not some holier-than-thou or above-you-intellectually person. I think I've done a lot of progress here but there's a block in the road in the fact that I genuinely believe society is insane and most people deep down are not worthy of respect. LOL Kind of a big deal.

Being scared of people is also 'wrong', and in this case in most contexts. It would only help me in the very infrequent case of crossing paths with a serial killer or kidnappers, as I always have paranoid scenes playing out if there's the slightest indication of this possibility in the environmennt.

What do you think off the top of your head might be 'wrong' with you socially? There has to be something.

I would agree with you somewhat, im critical and just see through things deeply. I guess im almost like a buddhist in the sense i can aee the "fakeness" in human families and the fake smiles, always kinda irked me. Whats wrong with me is i have a ghost like sense of self, personallty or whatever youd call it. I just dont get what drives the average person, how they can all think everything is about them i guess. I also have a weird loathing/contempt/ internal cringe or uneasyness around 95% of humans. Im just sad that im like this i partly wanted to be one of the dumb lover of life types, i just cant turn off my internal dislike towards most people. And as i said before it doesnt even matter as no one even cared if i was in their daily life anyways.

 

[whatevs]

I also have a weird loathing/contempt/ internal cringe or uneasyness around 95% of humans.

So basically you have a similar problem to the first I listed from my own. Not only you deep down despise people, but they can tell that you do. It's a great way to stay alone.

Though I hear you, I also genuinely believe they ARE despicable and it can be rationalized, I'm just saying that we should try to throw some nuance into our attitude regarding people if we want to feel less alone (i.e. 'focus on what we share not what distances us') OR just make peace with loneliness and take the connections when they appear now and then.

 

[makethepainstop]

No one ever talks about the worst part of being alone, is when you have maybe one family member left, but you cant make friends or find a partner because of your pure isolation which would drive anyone away. Basically no one wants to meet any ine who doesnt at least have a few good friends or close family members, and then after being alone for so long you cant even really relate to the concept of family or friends anymore. This also plays into the matthew effect.

Not always so, there are some very lovely people I have met that are lone wolves by choice or circumstance. Sometimes lonely people can be a lot of fun to talk to. Much love to you and all here.

 

[Sammie]

We might also need to learn to be alone for x period of time, tame that beast with meditation and spiritual/philosophical inquiry.

Oh no this is what I thought..."let me be single or a while to work on myself'....10 years since I've been in a relationship and it is now harder than ever to get back into the dating world...recently I've thought I'd like to get physically close but not psychologically, basically like get it out in a fling of some sort but with no strings attached. In theory sounds okay but reality is different and I probably wouldn't have the self confidence to even pull that one off anyway.