Venting I'm probably going to die soon

[tired_old_dragon]

I worked out all the kinks in the way I want to go out so I'm probably just going to die soon. I just wish I never got to this point. I wish I could have been a normal person, not a failure who suffers from what seems like every fucking mental illness ever. I wish my girlfriend actually cared about me instead of ignoring my cries for help. She's the only person I have and even she doesn't give enough of a shit to respond to me when I'm begging her for help. The silence is fucking worse than her just telling me to fuck off. At least then I know I'm at least being heard. I wish my family wasn't abusive and that I wasn't bullied my entire fucking life. I just wanted a normal happy life, but here I am, so far gone I'll probably be dead before the end of the week.