spiderlily
Member
- Mar 2, 2021
- 33
I went to a garden a while back and for some reason everything started to feel better afterwards. I dare to think I'm happy. Nothing else has changed—I don't like myself that much, I'm still a fresh graduate who's jobless, I still procrastinate and get social anxiety, and I still make dumb mistakes and feel lazy.
But I love my friends. I love the people around me. I miss my family. I always loved them, but I wasn't happy or really thinking about it? They weren't reasons enough to live. But now, I don't even need to think of reasons to live. The thought of dying comes for a few minutes a day but no longer. No more are the hours/days of dreadful wishes. I even started talking to a guy and he doesn't judge me for my inexperience. It's fine if it doesn't go anywhere—but the fact that I'm enjoying anything is just a big relief to me.
I have no clue how long this will last. If it's like the past, probably not more than a few weeks long. But I'm still going to try to enjoy this and get off SS while this period lasts. It would be great if I didn't come back, honestly. But I probably will at some point, so see you again sometime.
But I love my friends. I love the people around me. I miss my family. I always loved them, but I wasn't happy or really thinking about it? They weren't reasons enough to live. But now, I don't even need to think of reasons to live. The thought of dying comes for a few minutes a day but no longer. No more are the hours/days of dreadful wishes. I even started talking to a guy and he doesn't judge me for my inexperience. It's fine if it doesn't go anywhere—but the fact that I'm enjoying anything is just a big relief to me.
I have no clue how long this will last. If it's like the past, probably not more than a few weeks long. But I'm still going to try to enjoy this and get off SS while this period lasts. It would be great if I didn't come back, honestly. But I probably will at some point, so see you again sometime.
