I would like an opinion/advice in this matter

[Coffeandamug]

So I have thought a lot about this myself, talked to some reliable friends and my therapist. But I would like to hear different opinions from everyone...
I think that I have come to the conclusion for the reason why I want to kill myself. I am 25 and I have been for 7 years now, a sort of a hikikomori. I haven't gone to college or had a job. I still can go to college since my parents would support me and I could still try to find a job. However It causes me an immeasurable amount of pain to know that I wasn't doing anything rendered useful by society during those years. I don't think it was my fault that things happened like this but still... I feel so much agony regarding the fact that I haven't done anything useful these years... In your opinion (and please, I want to hear your honest opinions, even if it seems blunt, cruel or something like this. I have thought about this during for a long time now and I am trying to see new perspectives) is this a good reason to kill myself ?

 

[FuneralCry]

You have the right to exit this world at a time of your own choosing, it is your life, your decision and you do not need to justify your reasons for leaving. Only you know if ctb is the best option for yourself. I wish you the best.

 

[Rational man]

Not knowing the reasoning behind your social withdrawal, is perhaps not to be shared here, but you are obviously aware of your perceived shortcomings in your life. Unfortunately, Regretting wont change anything in Yesteryear. What you do have is a possible way forward by way of college to start if that is what you want. But as I said, regret is pointless. Im not sure time is wasted. Nothing in life has a fixed time line, Surely life would boring if our expectations were fixed to a timetable !?. I live very much in the present moment. It keeps yesterday's and tomorrow's demons in check.

 

[motel rooms]

What's the real reason you want to ctb? Why did you become a hikikomori?

 

[Coffeandamug]

What's the real reason you want to ctb? Why did you become a hikikomori?

To be honest I myself don't understand the reason why... I always wanted to get into college, and I did. But at the time I was too religious (I'm not anymore). My church had a "purpose" for me so then I chose to stay in my hometown. That didn't work out, and and also for other reasons I became an atheist/agnostic. I was very depressed for many years and I just... didn't study... but I don't really know why (I wasn't a total hikikomori too as I had some jobs here and there)...maybe I was too depressed but I'm not sure... it's really curious to me because I took some old math books to study and I have no difficulties at all... the subject was clear, I was able to do all the exercises...

 

[lyles]

It causes me an immeasurable amount of pain to know that I wasn't doing anything rendered useful by society during those years. I don't think it was my fault that things happened like this but still... I feel so much agony regarding the fact that I haven't done anything useful these years... In your opinion (and please, I want to hear your honest opinions, even if it seems blunt, cruel or something like this. I have thought about this during for a long time now and I am trying to see new perspectives) is this a good reason to kill myself ?

There isn't really a good or bad reason to do that sort of thing. Everyone's circumstances and experiences are different and you can't compare them truly with a fully accurate perspective or method.

I do want to say though, I don't think simply existing for however amount of years isn't something you need to be ashamed of. I know that feelings don't rely on logic but I would like to offer some reassurance on this. In my view, no person needs to earn their right to simply exist. You didn't ask to do so, you are allowed to simply be and experience life at your own pace. If you want to start expanding your experiences, get a job, whatever else I think that can be helpful! But you are not less worthwhile, meaningful, or anything like that just because you haven't contributed to 'society'. You are what you are, you can contribute through your connections with other people, like your family. You can prioritize your own health and wellbeing and then move forward in providing for others in ways that are fulfilling to you personally. This is just my perspective, but hopefully, it could be helpful? Either way, you have my best wishes.

 

[Painless_end]

You can still try to forget the past and improve your present and future.

If you feel that you still have some kind of goal or experience that you wish to have (other than dying) you can still pursue that.

I wish you peace and strength to make the right choice.

 

[motel rooms]

To be honest I myself don't understand the reason why... I always wanted to get into college, and I did. But at the time I was too religious (I'm not anymore). My church had a "purpose" for me so then I chose to stay in my hometown. That didn't work out, and and also for other reasons I became an atheist/agnostic. I was very depressed for many years and I just... didn't study... but I don't really know why (I wasn't a total hikikomori too as I had some jobs here and there)...maybe I was too depressed but I'm not sure... it's really curious to me because I took some old math books to study and I have no difficulties at all... the subject was clear, I was able to do all the exercises...

Well, give college a shot then. What do you have to lose? It's not surprising you got very depressed after you left your church, that's not an easy thing to do at any age. Try not to worry so much about societal expectations. You're still young & your parents haven't turned their backs on you.

 

[Coffeandamug]

There isn't really a good or bad reason to do that sort of thing. Everyone's circumstances and experiences are different and you can't compare them truly with a fully accurate perspective or method.

I do want to say though, I don't think simply existing for however amount of years isn't something you need to be ashamed of. I know that feelings don't rely on logic but I would like to offer some reassurance on this. In my view, no person needs to earn their right to simply exist. You didn't ask to do so, you are allowed to simply be and experience life at your own pace. If you want to start expanding your experiences, get a job, whatever else I think that can be helpful! But you are not less worthwhile, meaningful, or anything like that just because you haven't contributed to 'society'. You are what you are, you can contribute through your connections with other people, like your family. You can prioritize your own health and wellbeing and then move forward in providing for others in ways that are fulfilling to you personally. This is just my perspective, but hopefully, it could be helpful? Either way, you have my best wishes.

Thank you for sharing your perspective. I think it is always helpful to hear honest opinions even though our individual realities are different!