Help I want to write but I barely have no motivation and it frustrates me

[anhedonic_moron]

I want to write the thoughts in my head and my perspective on life before I have the ability to go, I have so much thoughts and so much stuff to write and type out yet I can't due to the anhedonia, I already have Google docs that are just a paragraph and a half and I already tried to write on paper but couldn't, it is as if God is mocking me for giving me the desire but the inability to do barely any fucking thing after all the years of torment. any help would be appreciated