Venting I want to leave

[wilderj]

Lately, it's felt urgent that I speak to someone, namely a therapist or a friend. But I have neither - it's so hard to find a good therapist, and I've been burned so many times, I don't feel like wasting the energy to search again. And, while I have friends, I can't talk to any of them. And if I had a therapist, I couldn't talk to him or her; I can't talk to anybody because no one can understand all the agony I feel inside. No one can understand that all I want to do is leave this place. I want to die. This existence is horrible, my own personal hell curated especially for me. And I fucking hate it and I can't do anything about it because I'm uninformed and I'm a coward. And so, I live in misery.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry you are suffering. Existence really is a nightmare, I mean we were all perfectly fine not existing until we were forced to live. It is not cowardly feeling as though you cannot ctb. We are programmed to survive after all. If it was easier, I would have been gone a long time ago. I understand it can be like being trapped. I hope you find the peace you are looking for.

 

[wilderj]

I'm sorry you are suffering. Existence really is a nightmare, I mean we were all perfectly fine not existing until we were forced to live. It is not cowardly feeling as though you cannot ctb. We are programmed to survive after all. If it was easier, I would have been gone a long time ago. I understand it can be like being trapped. I hope you find the peace you are looking for.

Thank you. I really appreciate your kind words.

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

Lately, it's felt urgent that I speak to someone, namely a therapist or a friend. But I have neither - it's so hard to find a good therapist, and I've been burned so many times, I don't feel like wasting the energy to search again. And, while I have friends, I can't talk to any of them. And if I had a therapist, I couldn't talk to him or her; I can't talk to anybody because no one can understand all the agony I feel inside. No one can understand that all I want to do is leave this place. I want to die. This existence is horrible, my own personal hell curated especially for me. And I fucking hate it and I can't do anything about it because I'm uninformed and I'm a coward. And so, I live in misery.

I feel the same way. I can't talk about my feelings with my family or friends. A therapist would only try to stop me from ctb, even to the point of having me committed. No one will understand. I'm stuck, without anyone to talk to.

That's why I'm here. I hope you find friendly virtual ears here.