I want to ctb but si is so strong

[Butterflyshadow]

I want to ctb but SI is so strong...
Keeping thinking it maybe become better, while are days i am trying with no big results and also i would go through a period so hard and long to handle.
I often don't have energies to do some stuff and I am neglecting some my important things for my future.
I also feel veey alone..
but at the same time SI tells me ''why should you ctb you did so many good things, and become better in some things, do you want to throw away all this with ctb? What if then you reborn in a worse life? What if you reborn as a worse person?"
Things happend me in the last months really kicks me up... I have had so many breackdowns and traumas in life...
At the same time I think there is no exuse for living a life in such a terrible sufference where I can't control my pain as I am doing in the last months

 

[Deleted member 8782]

Relatable. We're not made to ctb, it's really hard to do. I'm in the same boat :/

 

[Squiddy]

I'm also in the same boat. My mind is like "what if things get better? What if there's a hell? Do you really want to ctb with a chance of you suffering permanently?"

 

[Butterflyshadow]

It breaks my heart not to see myself fulfilled in life but at the same time now it seems very difficult even try do it with staying alive.

 

[Wrennie]

If SI didn't exist then I doubt that there'd even be a forum left... we'd all be in the ground already.

I totally understand your dilemma OP, and yes, it's incredibly frustrating to endure. You aren't alone, and if there ever ends up being an easy means of overcoming SI then rest assured that this will be the place that'll discover it.

 

[Butterflyshadow]

The only way to overcome the si and just do it withoit thinking about the fears that are concerned with it.
(but of course I am not incouraging anyone to ctb in this way, it is just a neutral information).
Also feel extreemlly bad that doesn't givee a sh*t about what are you going through could push a person to do it.

 

[Lost21]

I am too share your predicament

 

[TowerUpright]

I was thinking that, for me, one way of overcoming SI would be to make it random. I realized that probably won't work for most people, though.

If I felt like SI would be an issue, I thought I could mix up 3 batches of saltwater (NaCL) and one of SN. I could purposely move them around ( like the old cup magic trick). Each morning, after waking up (and thus fasted), I could take an acid inhibitor and since I don't have Meto, i could just take the cup of the day.

This is all an idea I had. I'm still thinking it through. But SI got me one time, don't want it to stop me again.

 

[WornOutLife]

I hope if I'm reborn something better is coming!
According to some religions, the fact we're human beings is a lot of progress! Some say we were bugs lots of lives ago lol.

Anyway, I need to kick SI's a*s. He's an annoying guy.

 

[Indicus]

I was thinking that, for me, one way of overcoming SI would be to make it random. I realized that probably won't work for most people, though.

If I felt like SI would be an issue, I thought I could mix up 3 batches of saltwater (NaCL) and one of SN. I could purposely move them around ( like the old cup magic trick). Each morning, after waking up (and thus fasted), I could take an acid inhibitor and since I don't have Meto, i could just take the cup of the day.

This is all an idea I had. I'm still thinking it through. But SI got me one time, don't want it to stop me again.

Why would you want to overcome SI?
Why do you want to die?

 

[Butterflyshadow]

Spero che se rinascerò, qualcosa di meglio arriverà!
Secondo alcune religioni, il fatto che siamo esseri umani è un grande progresso! Alcuni dicono che eravamo insetti molte vite fa lol.

Ad ogni modo, devo prendere a calci gli SI. È un ragazzo fastidioso.

I wonder if ctb won't reborn as an insect or in some bad context as if it were some kind of punishment due to the fact that I ctb. I'm sorry to leave the world, but mine is an existential, psychological and social loneliness I guess...

 

[toasterairplane]

If SI didn't exist then I doubt that there'd even be a forum left... we'd all be in the ground already.

I totally understand your dilemma OP, and yes, it's incredibly frustrating to endure. You aren't alone, and if there ever ends up being an easy means of overcoming SI then rest assured that this will be the place that'll discover it.

what does "SI" mean?

 

[Wrennie]

what does "SI" mean?

It's an acronym for 'Survival Instinct'