spellbound
My Great Guilt
- Apr 25, 2026
- 29
Ive been suicidal my whole life. I don't know anything but sorrow, and misery, and when I feel happy, idk, it just doesn't matter. It feels like my happiness isn't even happiness. I have a lot of problems in my personal life, but I don't know if they actually matter. I'd have so many reasons to ctb. But there's no reason. I just want to kill myself and I don't even know why. Is this pure nihilism ? I know I don't need a reason to end it, but I just want to understand myself ig. Maybe there's nothing to understand, maybe suicide is meaninglessness, and maybe that's where the meaning is. But why have I wanted to ctb so strongly and been so miserable all my life and some others haven't ? Is there something wrong with me ? Does anyone want to ctb for no reason ?
