I want to be a normal girl

[Mental]

Sometimes I feel like I'm never gonna be like all girls.
I have been thinking this time since it is the summer "vacation", although I do not stop doing things at home, it is as if my parents love the situation that I do not find summer work, plus they put problems to all my candidacies.
On the other hand, in therapy they tell me that I shouldn't start a relationship after I finish another one, that I should learn to be alone.
I've been meeting the person I'm currently with for seven months, and in my head being cooped up at home for so long isn't sitting well, because I think, will you love me just for sex like everyone else? I will endure him leaving me in the future? I will hurt a lot? And I experienced an anxiety crisis, I am feeling a toxic shit.
I just want to be a person, have my studies, my summer work, continue my studies and have a healthy relationship, but it's like Something inside me would like any rest of happiness to go out, and it's not fair, I don't want to be like that, I hate myself, I want to stop being like that, I want to be a different person, why the fuck can't I change? Why do I have to be alone in the course of my evolution in therapy? I know life isn't fair, but fuck, I just need to stop, a pause button, I'm so fucking tired of my attitude.
Anybody else get it?

Peace and be free

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry that you suffer. Life is certainly not fair. I hope that you find relief from what you are going through.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

Relatable. I hope you find relief too soon. I don't subscribe to an idea that you can't be in a relationship at all, sometimes going from one to another can be comforting and you don't want to spoil the new one with anxiety and woes from the previous, which may have happened to me once. I wish you luck with your endeavours. Try to take things easy and very chill in the new relationship if you can.